The first postpartum shit will be a nightmare. Harder than childbirth.
If you're breastfeeding, you might wake up from a nap totally soaked and sticking to your shirt.
The baby will shit moments after you change a diaper. If you hear/feel pooping, wait a few minutes before changing.
Baby farts are just as loud as full-sized human farts.
Breastfed baby shit is virtually unstinky.
Why would anyone want to bottle-feed if breastfeeding was an option? I can't imagine having to prepare a bottle as soon as the baby is hungry.
You might just be ready for sex much sooner than you thought.
Cabin fever is a bitch, especially when your favorite season has just begun. You could gather the babe and the dog for a walk, but that takes energy that two hours of sleep per day does not provide.
Damn, do you miss your bed. And snuggling with your fella. And sleep in general.
10.29.2007
10.26.2007
back, y'all
So, I had a baby! Soon I'll sit down and write out the whole birth story. I want to have the details all written down for posterity. What an experience. It actually feels quite bizarre to try and even begin to tell a story about having a baby. Oh my god. Right now I'll just share a couple of pictures.
The picture quality kind of sucks because I had to scan these. I have tons of pictures on my digital camera but I can't find the cord. Maddening.
Please note the hellacious haircreature on the back of my head. That there is the result of 24 hours confined to a bed. And, you know, laboring. I wish someone had thought to tell me about this situation before I let them take plenty of pictures.
The picture quality kind of sucks because I had to scan these. I have tons of pictures on my digital camera but I can't find the cord. Maddening.
Please note the hellacious haircreature on the back of my head. That there is the result of 24 hours confined to a bed. And, you know, laboring. I wish someone had thought to tell me about this situation before I let them take plenty of pictures.
10.12.2007
the homestretch. seriously.
Wow. Nine months coming to a close.
Things I will be happy to be able to do again:
- Do dishes without soaking my entire front.
- Cook without soiling my entire front.
- HAHA I was just about to say "sleep through the night without waking to pee three times." I'm such a dumbass sometimes.
- Eat sushi. Lots of it.
- As much as I loathe admitting it, smoke a cigarette. I miss them. I hate that I miss them.
- GET KNEE-WALKIN' DRUNK. If that's even still possible. Most likely I'll just fall asleep.
- Have sex without thinking about a squashed baby or feeling like a squashed ham.
- Eat a tasty sandwich loaded with all kinds of dangerous deli meat!
- Bend at the waist.
- Shave properly.
- Live without the organ kicking. Shit hurts sometimes.
Things I will miss about being pregnant:
- Walking around without trying to suck in my belly. Letting it all hang out has been liberating.
- Using the Expectant Mother parking spot at the grocery store. They need them at Target. I think I'll write a letter.
- Thicker hair.
- The organ kicking. It's nice sometimes.
----------------------------------------------------
It's not 100% official, but it looks like Sasha will be born on Tuesday the 16th. My doctor would like to induce me, as long as everything looks good to go on my appointment on Monday.
Commence to freaking the fuck out!
When I was told I would have to have a c-section because she was breech (she's since turned, but I think you knew that) I had to get used to the idea that the relaxed, hippie birthing I'd been studying was not going to happen for me. I read up on epidurals so I felt more educated about the inevitable procedure. Now that I have a chance at natural birth again, I feel less tied to the pain-free concept. I am really going to give it my all and hold off as long as I can. If that ends up being the whole time, well fuck if I ain't woman, hear me roar. But if whatever methods I've been reading about aren't working so well, I will take the epidural and run with it. Or...be paralyzed by it. Whatever. I think the most important thing is that I don't have expectations because you know what they say about the best-laid plans.
Today is my last day at work. I will miss marking days off my calendar and getting paid to read blogs. Getting this job was fairly serendipitous for me, a lucky string of events that lead me to a job that pays a lot for what the duties actually are. Not that I'm rich, but I will definitely miss the money. But I am looking forward to not having anything to do but take care of my baby and maybe do some dishes.
Today I get to eat my last-day mint. Not long after I found out I was pregnant, I lifted my keyboard and found Baskin-Robbins Mint Chocolate Chip candy. I put it in my pen caddy thing and decided I would eat it on my last day here. I'm weird. After my boss retired I wasn't sure how long I'd be here, so it was kind of exciting - would I get to eat the mint soon? Weeks? Months? I'm so bored here, I participate in mental games with myself. So today, I get to eat the mint. I'll pop it in my mouth as I shut down my laptop for the time being (technically they can still call me for a few hours' work here and there until December) and then I'll suck happily on it while I pull out of the parking lot and head home. Or maybe I'll crunch the fuck out of it before I even get down the stairs.
Another oddity - my favorite work pen. I found this rather normal, unassuming pen in my desk drawer last year. I like the way the rubber on it feels a bit velvety, and the ink is just as smooth. It has no brand on it, it's been mysteriously rubbed off, so I can't search for more. There will never be another My Pen. Well, when I discovered how much I love this pen, I opened it to see how much ink was in it. Not much, maybe 1/3 full. How long would it last?! When would I have to throw it away?! Please lord, let it last me until I'm done here. And you know what? Creepily, it just ran out today. No shit. It's just so damn perfect. Satisfactory. Closure.
--------------------------------------------------
Micah and I are now in the final days of Not Being a Parent. Were there not a life to support in my belly, I might be inclined to get crazy. So far my weekend plans include seeing the second Elizabeth movie and...that's it. Oh wait, I'm making Eggs Benedict and Jalapeno Bacon wraps this weekend! I have been a cooking machine lately. I made lasagna, chicken stuffing casserole, and chili con queso in one day. I've heard women go a little nutty with the nesting in the final days. I've been acting positively domestic. Though I must say, it's a good warm-up for after the baby comes, because most of my life I've been a domestic slacker and now that I'll be home all day, I'll feel inclined to take on more of those responsibilities. Are your feminist hackles raising? Don't be alarmed. I actually like the idea of cooking, cleaning, baby-raising, and finishing school until I'm ready to go get a Real Job. One where answering the phone is not part of my job description.
Wish me luck. Kiss not-a-mom Gabby adieu.
Things I will be happy to be able to do again:
- Do dishes without soaking my entire front.
- Cook without soiling my entire front.
- HAHA I was just about to say "sleep through the night without waking to pee three times." I'm such a dumbass sometimes.
- Eat sushi. Lots of it.
- As much as I loathe admitting it, smoke a cigarette. I miss them. I hate that I miss them.
- GET KNEE-WALKIN' DRUNK. If that's even still possible. Most likely I'll just fall asleep.
- Have sex without thinking about a squashed baby or feeling like a squashed ham.
- Eat a tasty sandwich loaded with all kinds of dangerous deli meat!
- Bend at the waist.
- Shave properly.
- Live without the organ kicking. Shit hurts sometimes.
Things I will miss about being pregnant:
- Walking around without trying to suck in my belly. Letting it all hang out has been liberating.
- Using the Expectant Mother parking spot at the grocery store. They need them at Target. I think I'll write a letter.
- Thicker hair.
- The organ kicking. It's nice sometimes.
----------------------------------------------------
It's not 100% official, but it looks like Sasha will be born on Tuesday the 16th. My doctor would like to induce me, as long as everything looks good to go on my appointment on Monday.
Commence to freaking the fuck out!
When I was told I would have to have a c-section because she was breech (she's since turned, but I think you knew that) I had to get used to the idea that the relaxed, hippie birthing I'd been studying was not going to happen for me. I read up on epidurals so I felt more educated about the inevitable procedure. Now that I have a chance at natural birth again, I feel less tied to the pain-free concept. I am really going to give it my all and hold off as long as I can. If that ends up being the whole time, well fuck if I ain't woman, hear me roar. But if whatever methods I've been reading about aren't working so well, I will take the epidural and run with it. Or...be paralyzed by it. Whatever. I think the most important thing is that I don't have expectations because you know what they say about the best-laid plans.
Today is my last day at work. I will miss marking days off my calendar and getting paid to read blogs. Getting this job was fairly serendipitous for me, a lucky string of events that lead me to a job that pays a lot for what the duties actually are. Not that I'm rich, but I will definitely miss the money. But I am looking forward to not having anything to do but take care of my baby and maybe do some dishes.
Today I get to eat my last-day mint. Not long after I found out I was pregnant, I lifted my keyboard and found Baskin-Robbins Mint Chocolate Chip candy. I put it in my pen caddy thing and decided I would eat it on my last day here. I'm weird. After my boss retired I wasn't sure how long I'd be here, so it was kind of exciting - would I get to eat the mint soon? Weeks? Months? I'm so bored here, I participate in mental games with myself. So today, I get to eat the mint. I'll pop it in my mouth as I shut down my laptop for the time being (technically they can still call me for a few hours' work here and there until December) and then I'll suck happily on it while I pull out of the parking lot and head home. Or maybe I'll crunch the fuck out of it before I even get down the stairs.
Another oddity - my favorite work pen. I found this rather normal, unassuming pen in my desk drawer last year. I like the way the rubber on it feels a bit velvety, and the ink is just as smooth. It has no brand on it, it's been mysteriously rubbed off, so I can't search for more. There will never be another My Pen. Well, when I discovered how much I love this pen, I opened it to see how much ink was in it. Not much, maybe 1/3 full. How long would it last?! When would I have to throw it away?! Please lord, let it last me until I'm done here. And you know what? Creepily, it just ran out today. No shit. It's just so damn perfect. Satisfactory. Closure.
--------------------------------------------------
Micah and I are now in the final days of Not Being a Parent. Were there not a life to support in my belly, I might be inclined to get crazy. So far my weekend plans include seeing the second Elizabeth movie and...that's it. Oh wait, I'm making Eggs Benedict and Jalapeno Bacon wraps this weekend! I have been a cooking machine lately. I made lasagna, chicken stuffing casserole, and chili con queso in one day. I've heard women go a little nutty with the nesting in the final days. I've been acting positively domestic. Though I must say, it's a good warm-up for after the baby comes, because most of my life I've been a domestic slacker and now that I'll be home all day, I'll feel inclined to take on more of those responsibilities. Are your feminist hackles raising? Don't be alarmed. I actually like the idea of cooking, cleaning, baby-raising, and finishing school until I'm ready to go get a Real Job. One where answering the phone is not part of my job description.
Wish me luck. Kiss not-a-mom Gabby adieu.
10.03.2007
38 weeks
Holy motherfucking shit. Two more weeks. Do I have to stop saying things like holy motherfucking shit after I have a baby?
I see the doctor weekly. Yesterday she checked me and I'm 2 cm dialated. Before I left she said "see you in a week...if not before!" But 2 cm really isn't anything, and I haven't had anything resembling a contraction. I'm hoping she won't come this week because my parents are out of town. They're in Boston visiting my godfather, and they went with their best friends. My parents have such an awesome social life. My mom's best friend has been her best friend since kindergarten, and I can only hope to have such strong bonds with the same people into my 60s. I'm actually quite jealous of their ridiculously full social life. Lately mine has been lame at best. Is it weird that I thought people would start rallying around me during the last few weeks of pregnancy? People have been oddly quiet. Then again, I'm convinced half of my friends don't even like me anymore. But that could be the raging hormones speaking. Yelling, really.
It would be nice to go into labor on Monday, the 8th. Please send me lots of good juju for getting a jacuzzi tub birthing suite, as there are only two and they're first come, first serve. When I told my doctor how much I wanted one, she said "they're so messy." I'm not sure how to interpret that...messy because water sloshes everywhere? It's just water. Unless my water breaks in there, then...yes. Messy. Still want one, though.
My belly has officially "popped." I look pregnant, not just fat. My belly is really hard and enormous and you have no idea how hard it is to shave your legs in this condition. And I can only guess what the crotchal hair situation is looking like. Shaving by feel is not so effective. All I know is that I really must do my best to examine it and if needed, call Micah in for back-up. In who knows how many days, there will be a multitude of strangers looking at the 'jay and I'd rather not look like a crazed lumberjack did my grooming.
I finally gained some weight! After about 35 weeks of staying the same, I'm now up ten pounds in the last three weeks. The doctor says it's all baby, and after I give birth I'll weigh less than when I started. Sah-weet.
Now if I can just figure out how I'm going to finish this term at school. The final project (three 3-4 page papers) is due six days after my due date. Shall be interesting.
That's all I have for today. Back to waiting for something, anything to start moving down there.
I see the doctor weekly. Yesterday she checked me and I'm 2 cm dialated. Before I left she said "see you in a week...if not before!" But 2 cm really isn't anything, and I haven't had anything resembling a contraction. I'm hoping she won't come this week because my parents are out of town. They're in Boston visiting my godfather, and they went with their best friends. My parents have such an awesome social life. My mom's best friend has been her best friend since kindergarten, and I can only hope to have such strong bonds with the same people into my 60s. I'm actually quite jealous of their ridiculously full social life. Lately mine has been lame at best. Is it weird that I thought people would start rallying around me during the last few weeks of pregnancy? People have been oddly quiet. Then again, I'm convinced half of my friends don't even like me anymore. But that could be the raging hormones speaking. Yelling, really.
It would be nice to go into labor on Monday, the 8th. Please send me lots of good juju for getting a jacuzzi tub birthing suite, as there are only two and they're first come, first serve. When I told my doctor how much I wanted one, she said "they're so messy." I'm not sure how to interpret that...messy because water sloshes everywhere? It's just water. Unless my water breaks in there, then...yes. Messy. Still want one, though.
My belly has officially "popped." I look pregnant, not just fat. My belly is really hard and enormous and you have no idea how hard it is to shave your legs in this condition. And I can only guess what the crotchal hair situation is looking like. Shaving by feel is not so effective. All I know is that I really must do my best to examine it and if needed, call Micah in for back-up. In who knows how many days, there will be a multitude of strangers looking at the 'jay and I'd rather not look like a crazed lumberjack did my grooming.
I finally gained some weight! After about 35 weeks of staying the same, I'm now up ten pounds in the last three weeks. The doctor says it's all baby, and after I give birth I'll weigh less than when I started. Sah-weet.
Now if I can just figure out how I'm going to finish this term at school. The final project (three 3-4 page papers) is due six days after my due date. Shall be interesting.
That's all I have for today. Back to waiting for something, anything to start moving down there.
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