the bitchies

Ho. My. God. It feels like I've had PMS for four months straight. Sometimes the tears come easily, and sometimes it's the Madness. For some reason, I'm finding it very easy to be bitchier to people I know. Strangers, too. I find myself sticking up for myself more if I feel slighted. Like the other day when the other receptionist decided to take her lunch at 11:00 and told me about it right after I'd decided to take MY lunch at 11:00. Usually I go at 12:00 and she goes at 1:00. But see, I'm pregnant. Don't hungry pregnant women win every time? They should. Anyway, she didn't get back until 12:15, and with each second that passed past 12:00, I grew pissier and pissier. When she finally arrived she said "I actually didn't leave until 11:15," and instead of my usual "it's no big deal!" I said "oh. I didn't know that," and you better believe I had a tone. I wouldn't have minded so much, but just the day before she told me she was going to lunch with the one other woman in the building who is responsible for the phones. They didn't return for an hour and a half! By then I was about to start chewing on the edge of my desk. How rude.

But I must admit that this sense of entitlement I feel about being pregnant isn't really how I feel. In fact, I sort of despise the fact that everyone knows I'm pregnant. People will tell you that you'll never experience such kindness and concern in your life. What they really mean is that you'll never experience such nosiness and what is known around the blogosphere as "assvice." My niece's mother keeps signing me up for all kinds of preggo-related shit and constantly asks me how I'm feeling. I don't want to be called "mama" yet. I don't want to be told how everything is going to change once the baby gets here because NO SHIT. I can't tell you how many times I've been asked about the sex of the baby. I have half a mind to not fucking tell ANYONE once we've found out. I'm thinking about keeping the name a secret too (not that we've decided yet) because shouldn't there be SOME element of surprise? If for no other reason than it's totally fun to torture people with info like that? Then again, I've seen my friend Steph (due the end of May) fend off all kinds of baby name suggestions while she was cornered at her shower. She and I have very similar personalities, especially when it comes to our hatred of unwanted advice. It's an Aries thing. So on the one hand, if I tell everyone what we've picked I won't have to hear all the suggestions. On the other hand, I don't have to see any looks of disagreement about the cuteness of the name we've chosen. What's a preggo to do? And please let's not mention that a few months ago I was asking for baby name suggestions. Oh, I just mentioned it? Crap.

Next time I get pregnant, I might just keep it a secret until I can't anymore. Because I really can't stand people all up in my business. And I can pretty much guarantee the first person to touch my belly will fucking regret it. See? Bitchies. I scoff at concern and gestures of kindness. No excuse, yet the biggest and bestest excuse ever.

Something to be happy about: I just found out that my (online) school will give you financial aid for anything over six credit hours. So far all of my classes have been five, so I've had to take two classes at once in order to get the loans. It's not a big deal because managing two classes is pretty easy. But now I only have 300 and 400 level classes left, and while I'm excited about that, it means they'll be more work. And more work plus a newborn baby...well, I'm not too keen on that. So to sum up, I will only be taking one class at a time after the baby arrives, at least until I have the new Mom thing sorted out, and I can still get the precious loans. (I'm trying to squelch my growing worry about taking harder classes during the crazy, sleepless, haggard newborn days. I have no delusions. I know it's going to suck.)

This was the most boring post ever. I would love for you to suggest something for me to write about.