smile, bitch

Victoria Beckham has a lot to be happy about. She's happily married to a man considered among Earth's hottest, she's widely considered a style icon, and together they are playing the fame game with virile swagger. I'm sure you've heard - they're coming to your country next!

So why, pray tell, doesn't Posh ever smile? I've never seen her teeth. I feel extreme validation this morning, because E! News just confirmed my opinion! Don't you just love when that happens? We Americans just won't stand for that cooler-than-the-situation purse of the lips. See over here? We pay big money for our teeth. We want to see yours. So do be a good sunny-bunny and show us you're happy. If celebrities aren't happy...then I just don't know what to aspire to anymore. Somebody told Posh what we think of her and she said she's going to try and smile more. Now everyone knows her smiles won't be genuine.

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It must be the summer! Big Brother is back! A show which causes great strife in my life, or rather Micah's life. I repeatedly extol it's entertainment value while Micah goes all intellectual and tries to convince me it's okay to watch more than two hours of cable news every evening. I listen to NPR. I'm as informed as I would like to be. I know he listens whenever he can, too. I can admit I'm addicted to some really trashy programming, but Micah is a bona fide news junkie. Summer looks like it's going to be a season of televisional torture for the hubbs, what with So You Think You Can Dance and a smattering of terrible, additive game shows that rarely last more than one season.

So Big Brother. Have I really been watching it for eight years? Oh god, that's dedication. I remember the first and seventh seasons, but anything in between is just a muddled mess of southern accents, fake breasts, and incredibly inflated egos. It's fucking genius, I tell you. Call me lowbrow. Whatevs.
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Micah asked me why we don't have a baby name book. Precious! Because I am a terrible, selfish person who uses the internet and has had her fill of baby name resources. If it's out there, I've seen it, and chances are I didn't like it. I'm so glad he's thinking about it, though. We've tossed around about five names for a few months now, and we're still no closer to chosing one. I just feel hesitant to try and decide when I'm not totally positive that I've seen every name. I'm open to suggestions, but so far you all haven't uttered a single one! What, did I scare you off?
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Because I'm trying to keep last-minute scrambling to a minimum, I've been slowly packing up this apartment for about two months. Every weekend I'll pack another box or go through another stacked of discarded papers while hovering over my beloved shredder. It actually feels awesome to find a stack of something and start throwing things out. I've been carrying certain things with me from move to move since I moved to Boston almost ten years ago. (Fackin' christ is it almost time for a high school reunion? Noooo. Though my hot husband is great arm candy! In ya face!) Some of the things I can't bear to throw away, with no good explanation:

- a decorative candle of a wise-looking, floppy-eared, old Asian man. It's jade green and in surprisingly good condition. It's too cute to burn, and even if I wanted to I don't think I'm really supposed to - I tried to light it years ago and basically the wick is all for show, ie. decorative.

- a round patch with a horse head given to me at summer camp, where I used to ride everyday, all day, except for a break to take a swimming class. I never learned to dive at camp, and it was the only skill I couldn't master so I could "graduate" and never have to take the required class again. The patch is begging for a permanent home on a piece of fabric, but I just never want to commit to anything like that.

- plastic horses from a cake top. I don't remember which birthday.

- a bag of cassette tapes that got me through not having a CD player in my car for five years. It's crazy that they've made it so far, considering the heavy rotation and my tendency to lose things in the black hole that is Gabby's car. I'll have you know I have been much better at keeping my spaces clean lately, car included. There's a tape player on Micah's record player stereo thingy, so I popped in an Ani Living in Clip mix while I was cleaning this morning. It felt so cool and familiar. I finally forced myself to throw some of them away, like the ones that had obviously spent a sunny afternoon on the dash board, the ones with noticeable nastiness caked on, and a couple without stickers because I don't feel like investigating any further.

- two Polaroid cameras. I'm not sure why I need two, but I always think I'll want to use them for some artsy portrait project or give one away as a fun gift for a creative friend.

- a puppet horse that my Aunt Gloria gave me for Christmas a long time ago. It's in great shape for a stuffed animal. I guess now that I'm having a baby I want her to have it. I might just have to stuff my hand into it and talk to her like a horse. Yeah. She'll love that. And no, I won't demonstrate for you.

- a recommendation letter from my favorite English teacher. It's not that I read it regularly for a ego boost (I swear) I just think it might be useful someday. Do things like that remain relevant ten years later? I must admit I'm having a hard time with this ten year thing. I feel so different than the person I was in high school. So very, very much has happened. 95% of our classmates have no clue what the rest of us have agonized our way through or miraculously overcome since high school. It's a shame, really, because I bet a lot of those details would bond more than divide. I'm voyeuristic enough to have great curiosity about all those people. Not that I'd get that type of information at a reunion, and besides, it's not like I'm even going to a reunion. Right? It depends on how I look by then. Isn't that a sad statement.
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Try pudding in a waffle cone, if you're the type who buys ice cream and cones at the store. Please tell me it's not just me.
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I've officially gained weight during this pregnancy! Two pounds, with just three months to go. And it's not from ice cream cones, thankyouverymuch. It's from pizza, smoothies, fruit roll-ups, and root beer. Okay, ice cream cones too. But I mostly eat fruit and lowfat cottage cheese! This must mean...gasp!...my baby is growing.