some truths

The first postpartum shit will be a nightmare. Harder than childbirth.

If you're breastfeeding, you might wake up from a nap totally soaked and sticking to your shirt.

The baby will shit moments after you change a diaper. If you hear/feel pooping, wait a few minutes before changing.

Baby farts are just as loud as full-sized human farts.

Breastfed baby shit is virtually unstinky.

Why would anyone want to bottle-feed if breastfeeding was an option? I can't imagine having to prepare a bottle as soon as the baby is hungry.

You might just be ready for sex much sooner than you thought.

Cabin fever is a bitch, especially when your favorite season has just begun. You could gather the babe and the dog for a walk, but that takes energy that two hours of sleep per day does not provide.

Damn, do you miss your bed. And snuggling with your fella. And sleep in general.