Recordkeeping

I can't tell you how many times during the day I think of good things to blog about. I even work out some of the wording in my head during these times. When I finally get a chance to sit down at the computer for awhile, I always think "I should blog now" but struggle to remember any of the stuff I meant to share. It's sad. What's wrong with me? I really want to record some of these things for posterity.

We are so close to a purposeful smile around these parts. From the baby, I mean. Micah and I smile purposefully quite often, as there is an increasingly more adorable baby in our midst. Her face is just so perfectly sculpted. Her smell is a tantalizing mixture of sweet milk and clean diaper, with hints of baby powder and baby detergent. Her cheeks smell the best. Where was I before? Oh right, the smiling. This morning I swear she meant to smile when she felt her ass hit the vibrating bouncy chair after finishing a nice morning breast. Dude, my face is totally going to melt off when she actually smiles at me.

She has many hilarious expressions, but I am particularly fond of the wide-eyed, "o" mouth look, like she isn't sure if she's excited or terrified. Probably both. She likes to watch my mouth as I make exaggerated but quiet popping noises. I also cluck. I like it when she watches me. She watches me all the time now.

Micah plays music for her. Yesterday he serenaded her with a collection of classical favorites, and the day before that it was Robert Plant. Today is his first day back at work in a week because of inclement weather and the holiday, and I miss him. It was awesome to have him home. I lost all sense of my normal routine, which is a good thing. I got to do things like take the dog to the dog park and go to Target by myself. I'm getting better at trusting them alone together. It's not that Micah isn't capable, it's that I'm just being paranoid. I always find her content when I come home, and that's all that matters. Even if she screamed her cherubic little head off while I was gone, he was able to make it go away and that's what matters.

Making it go away is an interesting task. There is definitely a checklist to consider when dealing with a screaming baby. Several nights this week Sasha was inconsolable. It totally sucks when it happens. Micah handles it better than I do, but passively. He wants to just let her cry for a bit to "get it out." I get increasingly upset as the baby does. Even though I know she's most likely very tired and that Micah is probably right, sometimes I have to plunk her in the bouncy seat and walk away. Let Micah listen to her, since he's so at peace with it.

Speaking of the bouncy chair, it is the sole reason for my sanity lately. Sasha's love for this chair knows no bounds.

She spends a lot of time in this chair, which I feel sort of guilty about. We get a good amount of body bonding when she's nursing, but she pretty much hates being in any position longer than a minute or two, which makes it hard to cuddle and hold her for long periods of time. However, she will sit in the bouncy chair for hours, which now vibrates because I finally remembered to purchase those blasted D batteries. I try to tell myself that she won't even remember being this young, that she is tended to when she cries, and that the most important thing is that she is loved immensely, warm, dry, and fed. But what will I do when she's too big for this chair? My mom assures me she'll be too busy with crawling, toys, and other baby things by the time that happens. It's kind of intimidating to have a child care professional for a mother. While she's a great giver of advice, I'm afraid to look like I need that advice. I want to do this well without her intervention. I felt like she might judge me for using that chair so much, but all it took was one evening of babysitting for my mom to realize the power of the bouncy chair. There is no judging. In fact, because my brother and I were adopted at five or six months old, my mom has never actually lived with a newborn. She readily accepts advice I give about how to make the baby happy.

My new mission is to update this blog every Wednesday, marking another week in the life of the babe and putting some structure to the disarray. Crap, the baby just woke up and realized she's not bouncing anymore.