the goose is getting fat

Because there's a whole lot of this going on right now:SOOO good, and I absolutely do say so myself. The best sugar cookies ever. Do the words homemade buttercream icing mean anything to you? Holla.

The latest hell/excitement were the four vaccinations that happened this week, resulting in Punkin, a.k.a. the Cherub, a.k.a. Sashi Kashi Go Lean, sleeping in horribly tiny one-hour spurts for almost 48 hours. Wow. Good thing she's cute. I'm just now coming back from my wit's end. She seemed to sense this and rewarded me with a good fifteen minutes googly-eyed staring session. She smiles and I laugh, which makes her smile again. She makes this noise that sounds a lot like the beginnings of "hi" if you ask me. Very hard on the H sound, like it's coming from back near her throat as it should. I know it's because that's what I say to her most. Hi! Hi Sasha! Hi! Hellooooo! What are you dooooing? HI!

In other news, this is the back of her head:

I'm so, so curious to know what her hair will look like eventually. At home, in the dimmer lights, it looks quite dark. Outside or under flourescents the top is definitely lighter and a bit red. She has some interesting growth patterns happening. That ducktail cuteness was there when she was born, but the rest is pretty new. She has a lovely longer bit on the very back and top of her head that, when teased a little bit, stands up like a mini feather headdress. She is, like, 1/36 Blackfoot Indian. See that little bald spot? Happens to most babies, since they spend so much time with their heads supported by something. It's very soft. I like to touch it. I don't think there is ever a time when "I like to touch it" doesn't sound dirty and creepy. Really. Can you think of a time? Say it out loud. Ok stop, you sound skeezy.

I do like to touch it, though. But not too much, I'm paranoid about retarding new hair growth or something. Because you see, being a parent opens you up to a whole new set of paranoia material.

Superlatives

Most Sleep Deprived. I feel better with each passing week though, so I guess my body is getting used to it. I will say one of the things I hate most about this new job of mine is getting woken up after I've only slept about an hour and I'm already in the really good sleep zone. When that happens enough times I start to really resent, well, everything. Thankfully this feeling doesn't last longer than the next nap.

Most Loved Thing I Have Ever Loved. Yet for weeks, she was a stranger to me. They talk about the instant bond you'll have with your baby, and they are mostly right. You love her unconditionally and without limit from the very second she arrives, but she is still a stranger. She was born with her own personality and I have to get to know her. It's an ongoing thing. It helps that she is interacting more, and also more content to sit on my bouncing knee for long periods. I dare say she's getting easier, though to say she was ever difficult isn't accurate.

The Hardest Thing I Have Ever Done. You really can't prepare yourself. You think you know. I actually had a rather pessimistic (nay, realistic) view of how it would be, yet the occasionally absolute shittyness of it hits hard. I know I'm doing a good job, but at times it is under duress. The bad weather means that Micah's been home almost every day, which has been awesome. I don't know what we would do without him. We'd make it because we had to, but I really don't know how single mothers do it. Bless them one and all.

Here's another picture to get us back on the happy track, where our baby is amazing and Christmas is coming and friends are in town and life is actually quite beautiful when you zoom in on it.

(Dang, Angelina, those lips are going to cause immature boys to make terrible comments one day. I'll string up their nuts with floss outside our door, I sweartogod.)