But anyway, on with the show! You know I can't just sit and not talk about it. It was VEGAS and my WEDDING. I figure instead of a rambling blabberfest, we'll do it travel log style. (Ok fine, travel log style with blabber. Can't help it. We're talking about my wedding. And Vegas.) I have been trying all week to get this fucking blogger site to upload my pictures, but it won't. Somehow one snuck through. I'm pissed. The pictures are good.
9/15/06
8:50am: I discover the first traces of my period, which is a week late. I ain't even tryin' to hear that noise.
10:30pm: We arrived in Las Vegas after a wretched flight. Micah was squished next to a dude the size of Eko on Lost, but with bigger(!) thighs. The earbuds I bought to watch Just My Luck (pathetic) would not stay in my ears. Would not. I'm pretty sure the flight attendant flirted with my nearly betrothed. At one point we thought we were almost there and discovered we had at least another hour. We spent a frustrating 30 minutes just trying to get out of the fucking airport and into a cab. I felt like a herded cow at least twice. There are lines, people, and don't you forget it. You can't just get into a cab all willy-nilly! We were then assaulted with Vegas facts by the cab driver. I'm proud to say I already knew a bunch of them, because you best believe I'm a traveler that researches.
But then we saw our hotel, and all was well.
I don't know what's going on with the blobs in this picture. I can't say I remember a street lamp right in front of us. And if it's a street lamp, where is its pole? It's not the moon, look how it's flat on the top and bottom. And the other white light looks more like Pacman than the moon. A little creepy, no?
11:05pm: Freakin' FINALLY in our hotel room. The hotel clerk hinted that she was giving us an upgrade. The room I really wanted was the one with all the mirrors surrounded the bed - and I do mean ALL the MIRRORS - but she seemed to think this other room was better. I did tell her we were getting married because that's the type of shit you do if you want something free. Or upgraded. Turns out the room was located in a better tower, right near the casino entrance, the heart of things. The room had ye olde lovely charm, with fancy ceilings and furniture more elegant than cheesy. The Tropicana is sort of known as the last of the old school hotels. Our view was of MGM Grand, and that's pretty much it. MGM is the largest hotel in the world with over 5,000 rooms. It's very green, with a massive gold lion chilling near the front. We were very relieved when my brother called and suggested we just meet up in the morning. Micah and I lazed happily while face masks tightened up our pores (gotta love a man who is concerned, but not obsessed, about his skin).
9/16/06
9:50am: We get into a taxi and go to the marriage license office. Wedding chapel pamphlet pushers push pamphlets on us. I made an ingenius move by filling out the license applications before we even left St. Louis, which allowed us to go right up to a clerk. The timing deities were definitely with us all day, starting in the morning - when we turned around while we were waiting for our paperwork to be processed, there were at least 20 couples in line. I spazz a little because I thought it'd be the last time I would sign my last name. (Ahem. Not even close.)
10:45am: We find the wedding chapel office in our hotel, which is surrounded by what might as well be Hawaii, it was so tropical and lucious. They had a pretty good deal on walk-ins, which came with limited frills - champagne and a garter belt - just the way I wanted it. Jesse and his girlfriend Lisa could do the picture taking. I talked with a very sweet lady who let me pick a time and then took our money. I gave myself just enough time to primp and gather myself, but not enough time where I'd get sick of waiting.
11:00-11:40am: Alone in the hotel room getting ready. Micah wanted to play some slot machines which turned out to be a great choice, because even eloping brides need their private primping time without the groom. Had I friends in town, that's when they would have drank champagne and stoked my ego and giggled excitedly. So I just did that all in my head and it turned out pretty well! I decided not to wear the cute dress I bought specifically to wear for the wedding. It made me look pregnant and the boob area was being funky and gapey. I wore a sheer ivory tank top-type thing, because it was the second nicest thing that I had. I'm still kicking myself for not wearing something with sleeves, because really? Nobody needs to be exposed to my fat arms. I straightened my hair a bit and put on more makeup than I usually do, and then I smiled as happily as I have ever smiled (well, up to that point) and took a picture of it. Which you cannot see right now because my blog provider SUCKS.
11:45am: Jesse and Lisa arrived from their hotel and thankfully they found Micah right away, because I was starting to freak out that he ran for McCarran Airport with his wallet to escape me. Not the case! On with this wedding thing!
12:00pm: We start the proceedings. I become Mrs. Atkinson, which ends up being the #1 most popular thing to send in a text message to Gabby in the following days. The ceremony itself was short and sweet, with a few minor fumbles (the minister called me Gabriella) and one major fumble (the minister gave Micah the wrong ring, and I didn't think much of it (oops!) when "my" ring slid on very, very easily. It took Micah a good 30 awkward seconds to pull off the ring I shoved on his finger so we could switch). Jesse was standing next to me as our witness and Lisa was dashing around behind the minister taking pictures. I started crying when I said something about promising to love, honor, and respect you, and then Jesse started crying, and then Lisa. Micah beamed happily the whole time which is a good thing - if he had started crying I would have LOST IT. I would've collapsed into the Ugly Cry, and no one wants that captured in her wedding photos.
12:30pm: Back in the hotel room with the gratis bottle of champagne from the chapel and another bottle that Jesse and Lisa brought. We popped it open and used the little hotel cups. We were all talking a mile a minute. Now that the wedding was taken care of we could get on with our vacation. I felt kind of guilty because this trip was supposed to be about Jesse turning 30. I had to go and upstage him. Oops. But he was really happy for me and I think quite relieved that we came at all.
1:00-3:30pm: Lazing at the pool. The very cool and spacious pool. I must say the hot tub(s) were very much lacking in the jet department. Micah and I buy 4 extremely large froo-froo drinks and proceed to get a good buzz on. But we haven't eaten since 9am and the rum was a bit harsh on the ol' tum-tum. Lisa starts talking and she doesn't stop. Jesse feigns sleep on a lounge chair. On our way back up to the room Micah wins $33 playing auto-poker. I consider this huge and make him cash out.
3:45-6:00pm: Nap time! (Yes, there is napping in Vegas.)
7:00pm: We meet up with my cousin Jenny, who lives in Vegas, for dinner. Thank god we have someone who knows where the fuck to go and what to stear clear of. We eat at the Grand Lux, which is very much the Cheesecake Factory with a different name (in the Venetian). I realize that the coconut I smelled in the lobby of the Tropicana is no coincidence - the Venetian has odors too. You couldn't really place the scent except to call it "luxurious." After dinner we walked to Caesar's Palace, which was fucking amazing. They pumped in the scent of leather, baby powder, and chocolate in different areas of the hotel. I realized Vegas is an assault on every sense, not just visual. We walk past the waiting line to get into the Pussycat Dolls' show and notice there is NOT ONE male in the lot. Weird. The statues and fountains in Caesar's Palace are absolutely amazing.
10:00pm: Our feet are tired, so we stand in front of the Bellagio and watch three fountain shows. The streams of water are so elegant, like ballerinas en pointe. I am dismayed to find they've choreographed one fountain show to the strains of "I'm Proud to be an American" which had obviously been recorded by a country singer. Blechh.
10:30pm: I admit to Jenny that I'm tired and ready to go back to the hotel. She seems a bit surprised, and I was kind of disappointed in myself. I envisioned a big night out with all of us getting trashed, but it didn't happen that way. I wasn't expecting dinner to take 2 hours. I wasn't expecting to feel so vacationally fulfilled by simply walking through the Venetian and Caesar's. But I guess Vegas is that way - you don't need much of it to get the gyst. And that's not to say I didn't have a great time. I guess I just need to realize that getting sloppy drunk isn't all it's cracked up to be. We lag a few minutes in the casino when we get back to our hotel, and I win 133 quarters on a slot machine. BOO-ya.
9/17/06
10:30am: Breakfast in the goddamn ugliest diner I've ever seen. Lots of teal and purple and plastic and kitsch. What was the Tropicana thinking? Jesse and Lisa show up with luggage in tow because they had to check out of their room and lucky them, we still have a room for two days. Lisa complains that her allergies are terrible and look at my eye! look how swollen it is! this Benadryl is making me so grogggggggy! And after I stuff my face with a giant burger, I want a fucking cigarette. I politely ask Lisa if she minds, and what do you know, she does, which puts me in a horrible mood because this is our table, and she didn't even tell us she would be coming to eat! So we exit soon after and leave Lisa to eat by herself. I return to the table to leave a tip and find Jesse bitching her out about how everything was just fine until you started complaining. I thank my lucky stars they are leaving before us so I don't have to spend all my time with her. She can be great, but she can be A-NNOY-ING. And that's putting it kindly.
12:00pm: Micah and I go back to the pool (what's the point of going out on the Strip during the day?! NO LIGHTS.) Jesse goes to the M&M store to get something for Bridgette. Lisa passes out on our bed. When we come back up to the room, J & L are just leaving. Going to walk around and get lunch. We hang out for a bit and I realize maybe we should do something besides sit. So we decide to ride the cool-ass double-decker bus all the way to the Stratosphere so we can go up and have a gander at the amazing view. As we are leaving, J & L are coming back. The timing couldn't get much better.
5:00pm: Oops. We said we'd be back by now and we're just sitting down to the magnificent buffet in the Stratosphere.
6:00pm: Jesse and Lisa are probably boarding a flight right now.
7:00pm: Finally, after spending an hour on the double-decker bus, we are back to the hotel. I know my cousin Jenny is waiting to hear from me so we can go chill at her house and meet her man and her dog, Bob. I teased her about what an inappropriate name for a dog "Bob" is. For some reason, we don't feel like going out. So I don't call her until 8:30, by which point she has consumed an entire bottle of wine and has fallen asleep on the couch. We are relieved and feeling highly guilty (well, ok, I felt guilty...Micah was perfectly okay with not moving a muscle and watching the Sunday night Fox line-up).
(Fuck, this is turning into the longest post ever. I'm almost done.)
11:00am: Checkout. Damn it. I realize I heart Vegas big time.
12:15am: I have obviously found a loose slot machine, because I put in $4 and end up winning $40, which happened on my last quarter. I notice its exact location for the next time I come, and realize how stupid I am because it's probably in some rotation for this exact reason.
1:00pm: We eat at In & Out with Jenny because once I heard that indeed they have those here?!?! I forced us to go there. I've only eaten there one other time, in California, and it is the best fucking fast food EVER. Big belated thanks to AE for introducing me! We then visit Jenny's house and I get majorly jealous because Bob is the cutest dog that ever lived and they have a pool with an attached hot tub in their backyard.
4:00pm: Somehow, we almost miss our flight, as in sorry, folks, we just closed the door. I stamped my foot loudly and said we've been in security THIS WHOLE TIME. (And not because I just HAD to go to the bathroom before boarding. Nope. That wasn't it.) The AA employee checks to make sure we're legit and seems bitter about having to open the door for us. In the end, he made a smart move. I would have pitched a big fucking fit if he hadn't let us on - not because we'd have to stay in Vegas (come on!) but because we'd have to do so sans luggage. And probably pay to get on the next flight.
4:30pm: We are happily the renters of our own damn aisle. We were told we could move to the back and have an aisle to ourselves, which was downright magical. We watched Nacho Libre and I was so unimpressed I couldn't finish it.
10:30pm: Finally we are picked up by Keom and get home. I take the next day off for decompression. And that's it. I'm tired of writing about this now. Incredibly pissed the pictures didn't work because I could've saved myself a few thousand words.
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