just the beginning

Mine. ALL MINE.

Do you hear that sound? That would be my heart racing.

I've less than 24 hours away from starting a new chapter of my life. I think I should recognize it. See, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Micah after dating him for one week. When I first laid eyes on him five years ago, I thought he was the hottest man I'd ever seen. He harbored similar feelings. You might not believe me because it's easy to think it now, but even though Micah was involved with someone at the time, I had this feeling about him. I couldn't tell you what that feeling meant, and at the time I probably chalked it up to a crush and went on my way.

And yes, actually, I do believe in fate. I believe there are reasons Micah and I didn't hook up five years ago when his relationship ended and he actually showed interest in me through a mutual friend. Major growth and self-discovery needed to occur. Had we begun something then it would've been a rebound thing. I would've been dealing with an extremely wounded man, and he would've had his hands full with a very restless woman who had to learn how to trust men again.

Things that need to happen will happen. You get what you need. Sometimes, if you're lucky, what you need and what you want cohabitate in the same exquisite form. I don't know how I got so lucky. I try to be good but I am at times really bad. That doesn't mean I don't think I deserve this, because I know I do. I deserve to be happy. I deserve Micah.

I know marriage isn't easy, but I've had great role models. I don't expect it to be easy all the time, but if there is ONE THING I am determined NOT TO QUIT in my life, it's Micah. I could search the rest of my life and not find someone as honorable, trustworthy, good-natured, funny, sensual, patient, and hard-working as Micah. Don't forget sexy. The other day I was watching him dig up some dirt at his sister's house, gleaming brightly with sweat, and I suddenly felt very far away, like I was watching a movie. A rush came over my body. I realized I felt just like I did five years ago when I could only admire him from a distance - taking in the curves of his torso, his thin, sturdy legs, his regal nose, his reddish tan, his crazy, chocolatey hair - and I was consumed by such a genuine and thorough feeling of love that I swear it made me dizzy. I am in love. And now I know what that means.

Last night Micah and I practiced our wedding kiss. We can't go up there without some sort of plan of attack! What if I linger open-mouthed longer than he does? Do we move around or do the black & white movie kiss that is completely closed-mouth and stationary? I think we worked something out.

And away we go.