mad at myself for not thinking of a better title but too excited to start blogging to stop and go back. so, we're at the fucking conference! i must say, it's very distracting to have a blog. because every time (and i mean EVERY TIME) something remotely funny or random happens i think "i'm totally going to blog about this later!" and you know what? i can never fucking remember those things later when i actually sit down to commence with the blogging. it's bad. really bad.
'cept i definitely remember that we watched a gull nibble at a puddle of barf in our hotel parking lot.
and i managed to stay upright yesterday when 1000 gallons of water crashed down on my head in the waterpark. there was a pile of 7 year olds at my feet though. their swizzle-stick legs just couldn't handle it. i bet they can't wait until they've got tree trunks like mine! then they shan't be having a problem!
so remember when i said i needed a guest blogger because i wouldn't have internet access until sunday?
1) screw ya'll.
2) i totally fucking fucked up and left my laptop at home. i was supposed to bring it because the Admin Assts have training on some new programs. COMPUTER programs. fedex is totally invited to my birthday party! then? something really cool happened! i took my laptop to the "PC Clinic" at the conference and they unclicked some thing and suddenly i have wireless internet access, which resulted in the extreme euphoria experience i am experiencing right now. because dude? i've never EVA used the internet on a laptop in a hotel room, and that is like THE COOLEST thing i can think of. because, dude? there is nothing cooler than a hotel. and i am BLOGGING in a HOTEL ROOM without WIRES. mega-dork is definitely my color.
before you go thinking this trip is just guns n' roses, let me fill you in on something that is ruining this experience. we cannot smoke in the hotel room. we can barely cuss in the hotel room, it is so fucking sterile and family-oriented. it's hard to say fuck in this kind of environment. even harder to actually fuck.
oh, who am i kidding? it's always better to fuck where maybe you shouldn't!
more later, lasses. i have to GO OUTSIDE for a cigarette! definitely NOT conducive to this whole blogging wirelessly in a hotel while your lovely boyfriend lounges nearby thing. i think that whole last sentence was supposed to involve hyphens but sometimes i just don't have the patience. DUH.
i missed you, blog. i missed you, computer. like, scary missed you. like, maybe you should move to another town missed you. goodnight, then! maybe momma's gonna have a little photo journal for you. if you eat your veggies.
7.13.2006
7.10.2006
please say yes!
I'm going to a conference this week! I have probably already told everyone about it! There will be an indoor waterpark! Hurrah! I will be sitting in horrifically boring meetings all day! Not-hurrah!
Does anyone feel like Guest-blogging this week? I won't have internet access from Tuesday night until Sunday and I think it would be really cool if one of my totally awesome friends volunteered to update this blog once. Twice? Three times? A lady (would)!
Oh come on, wouldn't it be fun? You can get on here and tell embarassing stories about me! You can tell everyone about that funny thing your cat did! You can...you can...oh, fuck. I'm not going to beg.
(Maybe just a leetle. PLEEEEEEASE?)
Does anyone feel like Guest-blogging this week? I won't have internet access from Tuesday night until Sunday and I think it would be really cool if one of my totally awesome friends volunteered to update this blog once. Twice? Three times? A lady (would)!
Oh come on, wouldn't it be fun? You can get on here and tell embarassing stories about me! You can tell everyone about that funny thing your cat did! You can...you can...oh, fuck. I'm not going to beg.
(Maybe just a leetle. PLEEEEEEASE?)
7.07.2006
go. now. giggle.
Anyone been to stuffonmycat.com? For some reason, I find this to be an act of genius.
Why won't MY kitties sleep in the sink? Fucking adorable!
Why won't MY kitties sleep in the sink? Fucking adorable!
7.06.2006
meet the fam
This past weekend Micah met most of my extended family. (I'm not going to call him M anymore.) I was less nervous about this than I was for the initial meeting, which thankfully (and not accidentally) happened on my birthday so everyone had to be nice to me and since I was the guest of honor, nobody would pepper Micah with too many questions or size-him-up stares.
On Saturday, he wasn't so lucky. It had great potential to become an interrogation session. It was the annual 4th of July to-do at my parents' place, and there was no way I could protect him 100% of the time. Not that I needed to. It turns out Micah is not intimidated by anyone - not because he's cocky but because he genuinely likes people and has a lot of respect for his elders - and while I wasn't nervous, exactly, I was worried that he might feel overwhelmed by the sheer amount of people. I didn't give him enough credit. He handled it like a pro. He remembered most of my cousins' names even though a handful of them assumed I'd said "Michael" when I made introductions. I think they all got it eventually.
I know one of them did for sure - my cousin Kent, age 60-something - because after the fireworks were over and Micah and I were killing time noshing in the kitchen, waiting for the line of cars leaving Innsbrook to die down, Kent came up and put a hand on each of our shoulders and proceeded to ask Micah if he'd ever seen such-and-such movie with a very Hebrew-sounding title. I thought Kent's just drunk and making conversation, but it soon became clear that Kent thought Micah was Jewish. See, the Book of Micah is a section of the Old Testament, which is Jew territory. Kent's gorgeous Hawaiian/African/Filipino wife is Jewish, and I suppose they'd been discussing the possibility of another Jew in the family.
After finding out that Micah is indeed agnostic, I thought drunk Kent might go away. Nope. He wasn't trashed, per se, but the kind of drunk where time just slips away and it is perfectly acceptable to trap your cousin and her boyfriend in a tiny kitchen and talk nonstop. He stood there with a hand on each of our shoulders for no less than twenty minutes. I got to my breaking point. I'm just not that close with my extended family. I'm good for a "hello" hug, some safe chit-chat about how my job is going, and that's about it. So I excused myself "for a moment" and left Micah sitting there. By himself. Because I'm a big, inconsiderate bitch. Did it phase my darling boyfriend? Not in the least. In fact, he loved it. Later I tried to apologize and Micah would hear none of it.
Earlier in the evening Micah and I were sitting at a table in the yard with two of my cousins from Texas. Suddenly my cousin Leonetta (Kent's wife) calls out to me. "Gabby! Come here!" (She's demanding like that.) So I got up and sat next to her about 20 feet from where Micah was sitting. She wanted the scoop. I'd already knocked back several vodka & Sprites, so I was in the mood to talk. Especially with Leonetta, who is all spit-fire and little shame, a woman whose eldest daughter (my age) regularly calls her with boy troubles. I started talking and I didn't take a breath, so happy that someone in the family wanted to know the dirty details of how I came to know Micah. And the details, they are a bit dirty, partially because I attended Micah's wedding some 5 years prior. But Leonetta? Not phased. (Not Catholic.)
During this conversation, Leonetta said what others have delicately phrased to me in the past - that Dave, my ex, wasn't right for me. I simply LOVE how no one will express those thoughts to you when you're actually in the middle of going down the wrong path with the wrong person. I guess everyone figures that it's not their place to say something, which I understand because I have been there myself, but the unabashed confidence and know-it-all attitude they project after the fact is bothersome. I mean, what would have happened if I'd actually married Dave? Would my friends and family, who all claim they knew Dave wasn't right for me, say something to me about it? Or would they have let me walk down the aisle with no more than a raised eyebrow that I wouldn't even notice because they were staring at my back?
Now, I totally agree (obviously) that Dave wasn't right for me. I appreciate everyone's concern (and their Micah is so cute! sentiments). I too adore the fact that Micah has a job that he loves. He has a future. He can save money. He looks me in the eye and tells me everything I have ever wanted to hear. Micah is everything Dave wasn't and showed little potential to be. I guess I just wasn't aware that everyone thought he was wrong for me. Because seriously? I would've liked to hear some dissension among the ranks. Sometimes people watching a relationship have more perspective than the ones actually in the relationship.
The point, though round-about, is that they all approve of Micah and aren't afraid to tell me. If I'd been paying attention 3 years ago with Dave, I'd have noticed the lack of such approval. When people don't like it, they won't say anything. When they love it, you'll know.
While we were driving home that night, I felt a special affection for my family that I don't usually feel, and it was inspired by something wonderful that Micah said to me (seriously, he says wonderful things to me all the time):
On Saturday, he wasn't so lucky. It had great potential to become an interrogation session. It was the annual 4th of July to-do at my parents' place, and there was no way I could protect him 100% of the time. Not that I needed to. It turns out Micah is not intimidated by anyone - not because he's cocky but because he genuinely likes people and has a lot of respect for his elders - and while I wasn't nervous, exactly, I was worried that he might feel overwhelmed by the sheer amount of people. I didn't give him enough credit. He handled it like a pro. He remembered most of my cousins' names even though a handful of them assumed I'd said "Michael" when I made introductions. I think they all got it eventually.
I know one of them did for sure - my cousin Kent, age 60-something - because after the fireworks were over and Micah and I were killing time noshing in the kitchen, waiting for the line of cars leaving Innsbrook to die down, Kent came up and put a hand on each of our shoulders and proceeded to ask Micah if he'd ever seen such-and-such movie with a very Hebrew-sounding title. I thought Kent's just drunk and making conversation, but it soon became clear that Kent thought Micah was Jewish. See, the Book of Micah is a section of the Old Testament, which is Jew territory. Kent's gorgeous Hawaiian/African/Filipino wife is Jewish, and I suppose they'd been discussing the possibility of another Jew in the family.
After finding out that Micah is indeed agnostic, I thought drunk Kent might go away. Nope. He wasn't trashed, per se, but the kind of drunk where time just slips away and it is perfectly acceptable to trap your cousin and her boyfriend in a tiny kitchen and talk nonstop. He stood there with a hand on each of our shoulders for no less than twenty minutes. I got to my breaking point. I'm just not that close with my extended family. I'm good for a "hello" hug, some safe chit-chat about how my job is going, and that's about it. So I excused myself "for a moment" and left Micah sitting there. By himself. Because I'm a big, inconsiderate bitch. Did it phase my darling boyfriend? Not in the least. In fact, he loved it. Later I tried to apologize and Micah would hear none of it.
Earlier in the evening Micah and I were sitting at a table in the yard with two of my cousins from Texas. Suddenly my cousin Leonetta (Kent's wife) calls out to me. "Gabby! Come here!" (She's demanding like that.) So I got up and sat next to her about 20 feet from where Micah was sitting. She wanted the scoop. I'd already knocked back several vodka & Sprites, so I was in the mood to talk. Especially with Leonetta, who is all spit-fire and little shame, a woman whose eldest daughter (my age) regularly calls her with boy troubles. I started talking and I didn't take a breath, so happy that someone in the family wanted to know the dirty details of how I came to know Micah. And the details, they are a bit dirty, partially because I attended Micah's wedding some 5 years prior. But Leonetta? Not phased. (Not Catholic.)
During this conversation, Leonetta said what others have delicately phrased to me in the past - that Dave, my ex, wasn't right for me. I simply LOVE how no one will express those thoughts to you when you're actually in the middle of going down the wrong path with the wrong person. I guess everyone figures that it's not their place to say something, which I understand because I have been there myself, but the unabashed confidence and know-it-all attitude they project after the fact is bothersome. I mean, what would have happened if I'd actually married Dave? Would my friends and family, who all claim they knew Dave wasn't right for me, say something to me about it? Or would they have let me walk down the aisle with no more than a raised eyebrow that I wouldn't even notice because they were staring at my back?
Now, I totally agree (obviously) that Dave wasn't right for me. I appreciate everyone's concern (and their Micah is so cute! sentiments). I too adore the fact that Micah has a job that he loves. He has a future. He can save money. He looks me in the eye and tells me everything I have ever wanted to hear. Micah is everything Dave wasn't and showed little potential to be. I guess I just wasn't aware that everyone thought he was wrong for me. Because seriously? I would've liked to hear some dissension among the ranks. Sometimes people watching a relationship have more perspective than the ones actually in the relationship.
The point, though round-about, is that they all approve of Micah and aren't afraid to tell me. If I'd been paying attention 3 years ago with Dave, I'd have noticed the lack of such approval. When people don't like it, they won't say anything. When they love it, you'll know.
While we were driving home that night, I felt a special affection for my family that I don't usually feel, and it was inspired by something wonderful that Micah said to me (seriously, he says wonderful things to me all the time):
"I can see now why you're so awesome. You're family is so smart, classy, funny...I'm so glad I got to meet them all."
"Well good, because they'll be your family too someday," I responded.
"I know. I'm really happy about that."
Um...whoa. Wake me up when he does. If we'd rather sleep forever, let us.7.01.2006
at least I don't watch The View
I'm about to tell you something disturbing.
I have a 35-year-old married mother living in my body.
How else could I explain the following:
1) I read a lot of blogs, at least 28 on a daily basis, and 27 out of 28 of those blogs are written by mothers. The last is written by a father. 1/2 of them have had infertility problems. What's weird is that I first discovered how wonderful loyally reading a good blog can be by reading that one father's blog. It started with a dad. He was such a sharp writer that I overturned every last nook in his archive, which took me two weeks of reading it at least 4 hours a day. When you read that much about someone you can't help but feel you know them personally. The fact that it's a one-sided relationship is hardly the point. When I was finished reading his archives, I looked at his list of blog links and clicked on the first one: amalah.com.
She's a new-ish mom. She struggled with infertility. She lives in D.C. with her cute food-critic husband. She's pretty and she's fucking HILARIOUS. Still the first blog I check every morning. Then I started exploring the links on her page, and the rest is history. For some reason, I find "mommy blogs" incredibly entertaining, often inspiring, and occasionally heartwrenching. I wish I could say I got into this mommy blog thing after I became involved with M (what with all the damn, dude, you make me want to BREEEED thoughts going on) but nay, that isn't true. I think I like them so much because most of them are young mothers doing the baby thing for the first time, and the ways in which they express the craziness of it is so unapologetically candid (they still say fuck! they clean baby poo off walls!) and I guess it's comforting to see that having children doesn't mean you have to give up who you are.
2) I am obsessed - OBSESSED - with this site called True Wife Confessions. Talk about candid! The site is exactly what it sounds like: a bunch of wives send in something they'd like to confess, usually in regard to their husbands, and someone posts them all. It's SO GOOD. You don't have to be a straight married woman to appreciate it. Really.
3) I cook a lot. I didn't used to. It has everything to do with M, and I'm okay with that. Cooking is a lot more enjoyable when there is someone to share it with, someone that always asks if there's more when he's finished. The need for a cute apron has crossed my mind - I've even thought about making it myself - and do people even wear aprons anymore?
4) I JUST SAID I WANTED AN APRON. AND THAT I MIGHT MAKE IT MYSELF.
5) I am trying to grow motherfucking herbs on my back porch. To cook with. (If these fucking cats don't stop messing with my herbs I will consider dismemberment. I have really bad plant-growing skills and they are not helping by attempting to dig them up. Ungrateful little bitches. One of the plants is catnip. You think they mess with that one? Naaah.)
6) The fact that I got to 5 reasons makes me sort of ill. I'm going to stop this madness now and go do something a 35-year-old mommy would never do. If that's possible.
7) But first I'm going to see if True Wife Confessions was updated.
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