greetings from OH!

mad at myself for not thinking of a better title but too excited to start blogging to stop and go back. so, we're at the fucking conference! i must say, it's very distracting to have a blog. because every time (and i mean EVERY TIME) something remotely funny or random happens i think "i'm totally going to blog about this later!" and you know what? i can never fucking remember those things later when i actually sit down to commence with the blogging. it's bad. really bad.

'cept i definitely remember that we watched a gull nibble at a puddle of barf in our hotel parking lot.

and i managed to stay upright yesterday when 1000 gallons of water crashed down on my head in the waterpark. there was a pile of 7 year olds at my feet though. their swizzle-stick legs just couldn't handle it. i bet they can't wait until they've got tree trunks like mine! then they shan't be having a problem!

so remember when i said i needed a guest blogger because i wouldn't have internet access until sunday?

1) screw ya'll.
2) i totally fucking fucked up and left my laptop at home. i was supposed to bring it because the Admin Assts have training on some new programs. COMPUTER programs. fedex is totally invited to my birthday party! then? something really cool happened! i took my laptop to the "PC Clinic" at the conference and they unclicked some thing and suddenly i have wireless internet access, which resulted in the extreme euphoria experience i am experiencing right now. because dude? i've never EVA used the internet on a laptop in a hotel room, and that is like THE COOLEST thing i can think of. because, dude? there is nothing cooler than a hotel. and i am BLOGGING in a HOTEL ROOM without WIRES. mega-dork is definitely my color.

before you go thinking this trip is just guns n' roses, let me fill you in on something that is ruining this experience. we cannot smoke in the hotel room. we can barely cuss in the hotel room, it is so fucking sterile and family-oriented. it's hard to say fuck in this kind of environment. even harder to actually fuck.

oh, who am i kidding? it's always better to fuck where maybe you shouldn't!

more later, lasses. i have to GO OUTSIDE for a cigarette! definitely NOT conducive to this whole blogging wirelessly in a hotel while your lovely boyfriend lounges nearby thing. i think that whole last sentence was supposed to involve hyphens but sometimes i just don't have the patience. DUH.

i missed you, blog. i missed you, computer. like, scary missed you. like, maybe you should move to another town missed you. goodnight, then! maybe momma's gonna have a little photo journal for you. if you eat your veggies.