at least I don't watch The View

I'm about to tell you something disturbing.

I have a 35-year-old married mother living in my body.

How else could I explain the following:

1) I read a lot of blogs, at least 28 on a daily basis, and 27 out of 28 of those blogs are written by mothers. The last is written by a father. 1/2 of them have had infertility problems. What's weird is that I first discovered how wonderful loyally reading a good blog can be by reading that one father's blog. It started with a dad. He was such a sharp writer that I overturned every last nook in his archive, which took me two weeks of reading it at least 4 hours a day. When you read that much about someone you can't help but feel you know them personally. The fact that it's a one-sided relationship is hardly the point. When I was finished reading his archives, I looked at his list of blog links and clicked on the first one: amalah.com.
She's a new-ish mom. She struggled with infertility. She lives in D.C. with her cute food-critic husband. She's pretty and she's fucking HILARIOUS. Still the first blog I check every morning. Then I started exploring the links on her page, and the rest is history. For some reason, I find "mommy blogs" incredibly entertaining, often inspiring, and occasionally heartwrenching. I wish I could say I got into this mommy blog thing after I became involved with M (what with all the damn, dude, you make me want to BREEEED thoughts going on) but nay, that isn't true. I think I like them so much because most of them are young mothers doing the baby thing for the first time, and the ways in which they express the craziness of it is so unapologetically candid (they still say fuck! they clean baby poo off walls!) and I guess it's comforting to see that having children doesn't mean you have to give up who you are.

2) I am obsessed - OBSESSED - with this site called True Wife Confessions. Talk about candid! The site is exactly what it sounds like: a bunch of wives send in something they'd like to confess, usually in regard to their husbands, and someone posts them all. It's SO GOOD. You don't have to be a straight married woman to appreciate it. Really.

3) I cook a lot. I didn't used to. It has everything to do with M, and I'm okay with that. Cooking is a lot more enjoyable when there is someone to share it with, someone that always asks if there's more when he's finished. The need for a cute apron has crossed my mind - I've even thought about making it myself - and do people even wear aprons anymore?

4) I JUST SAID I WANTED AN APRON. AND THAT I MIGHT MAKE IT MYSELF.

5) I am trying to grow motherfucking herbs on my back porch. To cook with. (If these fucking cats don't stop messing with my herbs I will consider dismemberment. I have really bad plant-growing skills and they are not helping by attempting to dig them up. Ungrateful little bitches. One of the plants is catnip. You think they mess with that one? Naaah.)

6) The fact that I got to 5 reasons makes me sort of ill. I'm going to stop this madness now and go do something a 35-year-old mommy would never do. If that's possible.

7) But first I'm going to see if True Wife Confessions was updated.