This past weekend Micah met most of my extended family. (I'm not going to call him M anymore.) I was less nervous about this than I was for the initial meeting, which thankfully (and not accidentally) happened on my birthday so everyone had to be nice to me and since I was the guest of honor, nobody would pepper Micah with too many questions or size-him-up stares.
On Saturday, he wasn't so lucky. It had great potential to become an interrogation session. It was the annual 4th of July to-do at my parents' place, and there was no way I could protect him 100% of the time. Not that I needed to. It turns out Micah is not intimidated by anyone - not because he's cocky but because he genuinely likes people and has a lot of respect for his elders - and while I wasn't nervous, exactly, I was worried that he might feel overwhelmed by the sheer amount of people. I didn't give him enough credit. He handled it like a pro. He remembered most of my cousins' names even though a handful of them assumed I'd said "Michael" when I made introductions. I think they all got it eventually.
I know one of them did for sure - my cousin Kent, age 60-something - because after the fireworks were over and Micah and I were killing time noshing in the kitchen, waiting for the line of cars leaving Innsbrook to die down, Kent came up and put a hand on each of our shoulders and proceeded to ask Micah if he'd ever seen such-and-such movie with a very Hebrew-sounding title. I thought Kent's just drunk and making conversation, but it soon became clear that Kent thought Micah was Jewish. See, the Book of Micah is a section of the Old Testament, which is Jew territory. Kent's gorgeous Hawaiian/African/Filipino wife is Jewish, and I suppose they'd been discussing the possibility of another Jew in the family.
After finding out that Micah is indeed agnostic, I thought drunk Kent might go away. Nope. He wasn't trashed, per se, but the kind of drunk where time just slips away and it is perfectly acceptable to trap your cousin and her boyfriend in a tiny kitchen and talk nonstop. He stood there with a hand on each of our shoulders for no less than twenty minutes. I got to my breaking point. I'm just not that close with my extended family. I'm good for a "hello" hug, some safe chit-chat about how my job is going, and that's about it. So I excused myself "for a moment" and left Micah sitting there. By himself. Because I'm a big, inconsiderate bitch. Did it phase my darling boyfriend? Not in the least. In fact, he loved it. Later I tried to apologize and Micah would hear none of it.
Earlier in the evening Micah and I were sitting at a table in the yard with two of my cousins from Texas. Suddenly my cousin Leonetta (Kent's wife) calls out to me. "Gabby! Come here!" (She's demanding like that.) So I got up and sat next to her about 20 feet from where Micah was sitting. She wanted the scoop. I'd already knocked back several vodka & Sprites, so I was in the mood to talk. Especially with Leonetta, who is all spit-fire and little shame, a woman whose eldest daughter (my age) regularly calls her with boy troubles. I started talking and I didn't take a breath, so happy that someone in the family wanted to know the dirty details of how I came to know Micah. And the details, they are a bit dirty, partially because I attended Micah's wedding some 5 years prior. But Leonetta? Not phased. (Not Catholic.)
During this conversation, Leonetta said what others have delicately phrased to me in the past - that Dave, my ex, wasn't right for me. I simply LOVE how no one will express those thoughts to you when you're actually in the middle of going down the wrong path with the wrong person. I guess everyone figures that it's not their place to say something, which I understand because I have been there myself, but the unabashed confidence and know-it-all attitude they project after the fact is bothersome. I mean, what would have happened if I'd actually married Dave? Would my friends and family, who all claim they knew Dave wasn't right for me, say something to me about it? Or would they have let me walk down the aisle with no more than a raised eyebrow that I wouldn't even notice because they were staring at my back?
Now, I totally agree (obviously) that Dave wasn't right for me. I appreciate everyone's concern (and their Micah is so cute! sentiments). I too adore the fact that Micah has a job that he loves. He has a future. He can save money. He looks me in the eye and tells me everything I have ever wanted to hear. Micah is everything Dave wasn't and showed little potential to be. I guess I just wasn't aware that everyone thought he was wrong for me. Because seriously? I would've liked to hear some dissension among the ranks. Sometimes people watching a relationship have more perspective than the ones actually in the relationship.
The point, though round-about, is that they all approve of Micah and aren't afraid to tell me. If I'd been paying attention 3 years ago with Dave, I'd have noticed the lack of such approval. When people don't like it, they won't say anything. When they love it, you'll know.
While we were driving home that night, I felt a special affection for my family that I don't usually feel, and it was inspired by something wonderful that Micah said to me (seriously, he says wonderful things to me all the time):
On Saturday, he wasn't so lucky. It had great potential to become an interrogation session. It was the annual 4th of July to-do at my parents' place, and there was no way I could protect him 100% of the time. Not that I needed to. It turns out Micah is not intimidated by anyone - not because he's cocky but because he genuinely likes people and has a lot of respect for his elders - and while I wasn't nervous, exactly, I was worried that he might feel overwhelmed by the sheer amount of people. I didn't give him enough credit. He handled it like a pro. He remembered most of my cousins' names even though a handful of them assumed I'd said "Michael" when I made introductions. I think they all got it eventually.
I know one of them did for sure - my cousin Kent, age 60-something - because after the fireworks were over and Micah and I were killing time noshing in the kitchen, waiting for the line of cars leaving Innsbrook to die down, Kent came up and put a hand on each of our shoulders and proceeded to ask Micah if he'd ever seen such-and-such movie with a very Hebrew-sounding title. I thought Kent's just drunk and making conversation, but it soon became clear that Kent thought Micah was Jewish. See, the Book of Micah is a section of the Old Testament, which is Jew territory. Kent's gorgeous Hawaiian/African/Filipino wife is Jewish, and I suppose they'd been discussing the possibility of another Jew in the family.
After finding out that Micah is indeed agnostic, I thought drunk Kent might go away. Nope. He wasn't trashed, per se, but the kind of drunk where time just slips away and it is perfectly acceptable to trap your cousin and her boyfriend in a tiny kitchen and talk nonstop. He stood there with a hand on each of our shoulders for no less than twenty minutes. I got to my breaking point. I'm just not that close with my extended family. I'm good for a "hello" hug, some safe chit-chat about how my job is going, and that's about it. So I excused myself "for a moment" and left Micah sitting there. By himself. Because I'm a big, inconsiderate bitch. Did it phase my darling boyfriend? Not in the least. In fact, he loved it. Later I tried to apologize and Micah would hear none of it.
Earlier in the evening Micah and I were sitting at a table in the yard with two of my cousins from Texas. Suddenly my cousin Leonetta (Kent's wife) calls out to me. "Gabby! Come here!" (She's demanding like that.) So I got up and sat next to her about 20 feet from where Micah was sitting. She wanted the scoop. I'd already knocked back several vodka & Sprites, so I was in the mood to talk. Especially with Leonetta, who is all spit-fire and little shame, a woman whose eldest daughter (my age) regularly calls her with boy troubles. I started talking and I didn't take a breath, so happy that someone in the family wanted to know the dirty details of how I came to know Micah. And the details, they are a bit dirty, partially because I attended Micah's wedding some 5 years prior. But Leonetta? Not phased. (Not Catholic.)
During this conversation, Leonetta said what others have delicately phrased to me in the past - that Dave, my ex, wasn't right for me. I simply LOVE how no one will express those thoughts to you when you're actually in the middle of going down the wrong path with the wrong person. I guess everyone figures that it's not their place to say something, which I understand because I have been there myself, but the unabashed confidence and know-it-all attitude they project after the fact is bothersome. I mean, what would have happened if I'd actually married Dave? Would my friends and family, who all claim they knew Dave wasn't right for me, say something to me about it? Or would they have let me walk down the aisle with no more than a raised eyebrow that I wouldn't even notice because they were staring at my back?
Now, I totally agree (obviously) that Dave wasn't right for me. I appreciate everyone's concern (and their Micah is so cute! sentiments). I too adore the fact that Micah has a job that he loves. He has a future. He can save money. He looks me in the eye and tells me everything I have ever wanted to hear. Micah is everything Dave wasn't and showed little potential to be. I guess I just wasn't aware that everyone thought he was wrong for me. Because seriously? I would've liked to hear some dissension among the ranks. Sometimes people watching a relationship have more perspective than the ones actually in the relationship.
The point, though round-about, is that they all approve of Micah and aren't afraid to tell me. If I'd been paying attention 3 years ago with Dave, I'd have noticed the lack of such approval. When people don't like it, they won't say anything. When they love it, you'll know.
While we were driving home that night, I felt a special affection for my family that I don't usually feel, and it was inspired by something wonderful that Micah said to me (seriously, he says wonderful things to me all the time):
"I can see now why you're so awesome. You're family is so smart, classy, funny...I'm so glad I got to meet them all."
"Well good, because they'll be your family too someday," I responded.
"I know. I'm really happy about that."
Um...whoa. Wake me up when he does. If we'd rather sleep forever, let us.
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