tidbits (ok, longbits)

- Cybill Shepard is going to be on season four of The L Word. She'll play a straight mother who is also the dean at the college where Bette goes for a graduate degree, and she starts to question her sexuality. Oh, Bette. How did I know she'd be in the story line before I even got to her name?

- Hanging out with a man all the time is messing with my stuff a bit. My stuff being my period. I've spent most of my life surrounded by female friends, with a few extended stretches of male companionship in between. And everyone knows when you're around a lot of women, chances are your cycles will all get closer and closer until you are all downing Ben & Jerry's at the same time. The first year of menstruation as the exception, I have always been very regular. 28 days, totally normal. I would also venture to say that at many points I had the Alpha Ovary. Other people's cycles changed and mine seemingly bowed to no one. And with the sudden incorporation of a male into my everyday life and the subsequent dropping out of females, I'm ALL THE FUCK ASKEW. The first month this happened (the first month with M) I immediately thought I was pregnant. At that point I couldn't ever remember a time I was late, but that time? 5 FUCKING DAYS! Highly unusual. And you know what? I've been late ever since. 33 days. 31 days. 29 days...getting closer to normal...NOPE! Back up to 31 days and counting this month. I'm not sure why I'm so disturbed by this. I've narrowed it down to three possibilities.
1) I (sadly) don't spend much time with my female friends anymore and even at work I'm surrounded by men. I have no other ovaries to balance me out for the first time in a very long time.
2) Going from having no sex to tons of sex has somehow thrown me off. I like this theory, but so far I can only substantiate it by a little internet research that says that ovulation can be delayed by: traveling, stress, and most accurate for me, high levels of excitement - me and my ovaries are massively in love and it's making my eggs drowsy.
3) I might have Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS). Now, I have no health insurance and probably won't until I get married or find a different job, so I won't find out the answer to this any time soon. I'm pretty sure the local free clinic doesn't help you with stuff like PCOS. Some of the symptoms of PCOS are all possibilities because I'm fat and relatively unhealthy - as yet undetected stuff, because I don't go to the doctor - things like high blood pressure, diabetes, high cholesterol (my biological grandfather had a problem with this), skin tags - got my first one! and picked it off!, and finally, hair growth in unusual places - which for me is my chin. I know, EWWW. It's just one little hair, very, very red, and I feel for that mofo everyday and pluck it immediately because GOD FORBID I let it get long and someone sees it and recoils with appropriate horror. But Rosie O'Donnell had one, and she put a bead on it! So. I'm kind of confused about all the irregularity and I'm just really hoping it's not PCOS because if that's the case I could run into some fertility problems, which...I've read some seriously heartbreaking blogs written by infertile women (an off-shoot of reading mommy blogs, which I REFUSE to be embarrassed about because DAMN, those women are funny) and while I now feel educated about infertility, I never thought of myself as an infertile. Who does, though? It's probably not PCOS because this all started with M coming into my life, and you'd think I would've had PCOS for awhile. Maybe I just need to hang out with my friends more (though they don't tell me regularly how unbelievably beautiful I am, or that they love the way my hips look when my comfy pants are hanging low around my waist, so you can see why I'm more partial to M right now). And now I'm done about my period. Sorry.

- I really can't stand people sometimes. I was at a lovely party last weekend, a party so lovely Charades was suggested and accepted as a group activity. I was pretty excited about it because I've never actually played Charades. Also, I was in charge (self-appointed) of making the clues for the other team. Mmmmm. POWER. At this party was a man we all know through the coffeehouse and his new boyfriend. They were all over each other. That is, while this man wasn't making fun of my man. M started giggling about something at one point and could not stop. Mean man, we'll call him Fucker, starts in on M and calls him a stoner and makes fun of him for laughing so much. WTF? He's having a good time! Let him be! But no. When M gets up for his turn at Charades, he kind of stands there clueless for a second while he tries to figure out how to act out his clue. Something about M's expression caused me to start laughing pretty hard at him. Do you know what that ass Fucker said? "Why are you laughing? You're the one that brought him!" WHOOAAAA Fucker. Back your jackass up a second. Nobody's making jokes about your amputated foot. No one's making jokes when YOUR boyfriend, 1/2 your age, incomprehensibly acts out a very easy clue and no one gets it, causing a loss of a point in a very tight game. I HATE people like that, and by "like that" I mean people with such self-esteem issues that they make others look bad just so they feel better; fucking overgrown bullies. Maybe it's because M is like ten times more attractive than Fucker. Maybe it's because M wasn't shy about feeling silly and Fucker was having none of that nonsense, GOD FORBID someone's giddy. Whatever it was, I was furious, but M? Just kept laughing and pretended Fucker didn't exist. ANOTHER reason I'm so completely in love with him.

- Hypothetical for ya: You have a friend who is very happy and wants to get married. Soon. (As in, within the next year). She has a relatively large family and a gaggle of really wonderful friends, all of whom she'd want to invite if she had a "normal" wedding. Her man has very few friends and family members. Should she have a wedding, it would be very lopsided. Meanwhile, she'd love to elope. It will be the groom's second wedding and he's told the bride it's all about her, which while very sweet, leaves her feeling like it's all up to her, and that's a lot. Of course, the bride's mother would be crushed if she missed her only daughter's wedding. Still, elopement is highly romantic and undeniably easy. Bride hasn't been dreaming about a big white wedding since childhood. Well, not, like obsessing the way some girls do. Should she:
a) elope first and apologize later, with lots of pictures at the ready, and then mail out announcements to friends and extended family
b) elope and then plan a reception for a later date with mom's help to help ease the disappointment mom will feel
c) pick a date, tell mom, and let her help the bride plan a wedding with only immediate family so it doesn't alienate the groom's party and have a nice dinner instead of a big reception
d) pick a date, tell mom, and plan a "normal" wedding, meaning all extended family and all friends are invited, and who cares if the groom's side is a little small.

All hypothetical, of course. The lovely couple would surely appreciate your opinion. If you've never commented, now's the time. Nobody cares if you do it anonymously because you don't want the bride to know what you really think. Just say something. And a response like "Do what you feel in your heart" is sweet but not helpful because in the bride's heart, ALL of these options are right.