adventures in dog-parking

Avery, my lucky little dog, is a member of the local dog park. I knew I wanted to sign him up and fork over the $50 fee as soon as he was old enough and neutered. We've been going for two months now, and I have some observations to share with you.

1 - There isn't much you can do when you notice a dog shitting but the owner doesn't notice. I suppose if I were on really friendly terms with the owner I would say "hey, I think your dog just pooped," but that's still sketchy no matter the terms of friendliness. You're implying that they aren't watching their dog closely, which is liable to get you the stink eye, even if you're right. (Because I am nothing if not way too honest about the wrong things, I rarely pick up Avery's poop if we're the only ones there. I know. Terrible. But I am NOT the only one who leaves poops. Oh, and the one time Avery had explosive diarrhea in the park? Didn't even try. I'm pregnant. I would've puked all over myself.)

2 - It's a really weird thing, the relationship between dog owners at the dog park. First of all, you never ask someone you've never met what their name is, because this isn't a bar. It's a dog park. You say "what's your dog's name? I've never seen him before," basically ignoring the fact that the dog has an owner, an owner that you are currently talking to. How can you become friendly with someone if you don't even know their name? In the dog park, it's possible. In two months, I've only learned the names of probably four owners. I know all the dog names, though.

3 - Referring back to #1, you don't want to look like the dog park Nazi. One too many "your dog just pooped!" and you'll realize everyone is standing on the other side of the park. I found myself feeling like a bit of a rule-stickler though (quietly stewing, not makes a scene), because there's this one couple who brings their two grown Labs AND their nine-week-old puppies, and you know what? That's a no-no. If I diligently waited until Avery was four months (the rule) to sign up, SO SHOULD THEY. I can see why it would be tempting considering they've already paid for the older Labs, but...I dunno. It miffs me. It's not arbitrary - puppies are much more likely to carry diseases and not have their shots yet. Plus, I highly doubt they paid the extra fee for the extra dogs. Ugh. But everyone overlooks this because they're puppies. Delicious, floppy puppies.

4 - I always, ALWAYS worry that men who come by themselves think I am going to flirt with them. Why do I worry about this? Seriously. So stupid. I think it's because my very first visit there, this guy comes in with his dog and I guess I was feeling pretty chatty since I was excited to be there, and he was VERY quick to drop the word "we" in the conversation, as in "WE live just over there. It's OUR first dog." So now I try not to be overly friendly with the dudes.

5- When all conversation fails, watch the dogs. When you try to be funny and that numskull just won't laugh, go fill up the water bowl. When you try to be funny and it works? You actually get strangers laughing? Quietly consider, for the the four hundredth time, that you really should do stand-up.

6 - Bringing Micah is so much fun! I love watching him watch Avery and the other dogs. It must be similar to how it will feel to watch him play with our child. Oh my god. That's still so weird to say!

7 - Avery does this adorable kissing-up thing where he tries to french kiss other dogs. He literally puts his tongue in their mouths, tail wagging, and licks. He usually only does it with dogs that aren't so accepting of his rambunctious puppy nature.

8 - Some of the dogs are total assholes. One attacked Avery for basically nothing - he was mad Avery had the toy he wanted. Some asshole dogs, not surprisingly, have asshole owners, like the husky mix who growls at any dog trying to have fun while his owner scoffs about this and that, judging, needling, picking up trash on the perimeter, the mumbling martyr. Why bring a dog that refuses to have fun? What's amazing is that this particular woman happens to run the fucking park! I think. She sure acts like it.

9 - There's a massive, I mean huge, Mastiff/German Shepard named Bear who tries to hump Avery. I find this hilarious. Avery does not.

10 - Avery is the life of the party, a tireless and perfect playmate. I can hear people getting excited about his arrival as he scampers up to the gate. There's one puppy in particular who gets along smashingly with Avery - he's a seven-month-old puppy named Dox (Avery is eight months) and he's the exact same size and spastic level as Avery. It's like watching a proper boxing match where the contenders are the same size and you think "now this is a match up!" Except the other day Dox and Avery ganged up on a few submissive dogs, which makes me so embarrassed and we left soon after.

11 - When there are more than five dogs there, it gets totally hectic. But I still have fantasies about arranging for all the dog park members to bring their pooches at the same time on the same day. Imagine. It would either be the most hilarious or the most dangerous thing ever.

12 - I fucking hate whoever decided to fill up the plastic baby pool everyday that it breaks 65 degrees. My dog DOES NOT need that much of a cool down yet, THANKYOUVERYMUCH. Avery leaves that park fucking filthy nearly every single time, which is fine when it's dust, but you can imagine the yuck factor after much pool carousing followed by repeated tackles in the dirt.

13 - Ok fine. Watching Avery splash around in the baby pool is beyond cute. I love it. But I can fucking hate it too, ok?
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In Other News...

I feel NOTHING in my abdomen. I'm paranoid the baby died and I've had a missed miscarriage. I'm sure this is a fairly typical thing to worry about, but seriously, I have not felt any twinges, stretching, or anything that would indicate that something is indeed GROWING in my STOMACH. I'm kind of freaking out about it. You'd think I could feel SOMETHING. Not, like, kicking or anything...but perhaps the pulling/rearranging of organs that you'd think would correspond with something GROWING in your STOMACH.

I have an OBGYN appointment a week from tomorrow. I have to wait it out. I'm sure everything's fine and I'll just feel stupid. BUT MAYBE NOT. Oh god.
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My lunch today consisted of one leg of a fresh rotisserie chicken, fried pork skins, and fresh strawberries. My life is getting weirder fo shizzle.