The finer thing in my life

I consider my husband to be a very good-looking man. I thought he was one of the hottest guys I'd ever met when we were first introduced five years ago. I keep saying five and it must be six by now. Anyway, just about everyone who meets him comments on his looks either right in front of his face or at a later time, in private. Especially my older female relatives, which is creepy. My cousins Linda and Lenetta weren't shy at all about telling me in excited, hushed voices, that WOW did I ever find a hunk. (Yeah, they totally still use words like that.) I try to ignore the only slightly masked looks of surprise when people put two and two together. For instance, at my niece's birthday party all of Lisa's friends asked "who is that guy with Gabby?" and Lisa would have to say "Um, GABBY'S BOYFRIEND." Fucking bitches.

Even my MOM, you guys! Micah was working near my mom's office and I asked him to stop by and pick up something from her. My mom told her receptionist he'd be by and that he looks like a Greek god. Yeah. And then she said after Micah left the building the receptionist said "I knew immediately it was him!" My mom told me this. THAT IS SO GROSS.

I worry about when Micah works. Okay, I don't really worry, per se, because Micah is hands-down the most loyal man I know, but I can't help thinking that he probably gets a lot of attention on the job. He work outside in very public areas, sometimes in hot-and-shirtless conditions, and it's not unusual for them to be working near a high school or in neighborhoods just crawling with bored housewives, OR SO I IMAGINE. Sadist, I know. I badgered him into admitting that the high schools are the worst. The girls drive by and yell things at him, the passive-aggressive skanks, and when I snarled "how do you know they're yelling at you?" he quietly said, "It's usually when I'm alone."

So I shine up his wedding ring for him every morning before work, and on a clear day it can be seen for miles.

That was a joke.

But the thing is? I get it. I understand why those bitches and skanks look. If there could only be one reason why I am not, in fact, a lesbian (and never was, though not for lack of half-assed trying), it's that I fucking adore dirty, hot, sweaty, stinky men. I look at construction crews the way construction crews look at women in stilettos and short skirts. I watch Mike Rowe of Dirty Jobs the same way lions view raw steak. Is that wrong? Couldn't care less. I get it, which is why I am wary of it.

I feel very lucky that a man as kind and hot loves me and thinks I'm hot, too. That is just so awesome. He makes me feel hot on a daily basis, which is a first, and also one of the many reasons Micah will be the last. And he's going to be the cutest dad ever. You just watch.

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I keep switching the blog template just to see how I like it. I'm going to keep switching until I find one that I won't get sick of for awhile. Keep mental tabs on the ones you like, as I would like this to be a pleasant experience for everyone.
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I must briefly mention the insane craving I am having lately. I cannot seem to get enough tangy, fruity candy. I say 'insane' because cavities, while covered, are not 100% covered, and it cost me close to 300 bucks to fix two cavities six months ago. I simply can't afford that right now. But it is really, REALLY hard to stop. It all started with a bag of Sweettart Sour Gummies that grabbed my eye in the Bl*ckbuster check-out line. Then the next day at the movies I had to have Sour Patch Kids. At the store the next day I bought regular ol' gummy bears from the huge snack buy-by-the-pound container things. And the NEXT day? Yesterday? I bought THREE BOXES of candy from Walgreens, which incidentally were the exact size of the candy at the movies, only three bucks cheaper. Because they were 3 for $3, I bought 3. Nerds, Sour Patch Kids, and Airheads. I took the Kids and the Airheads home so Micah would eat them, how terribly responsible of me, but I kept the Nerds at work. I have been sucking them and crunching them for hours,and you know Nerds...that box doesn't have a bottom. This isn't good. But oh. SO, SO GOOD.