What am I supposed to do when things like this cost $30? Hm? Is it wrong to sell your body when you're pregnant? THIRD TRIMESTER pregnant?
Oh yeah, friends. We are in the final stretch. As you were.
6.25.2007
pregnancy forum thread titles...
...complete with my own comments cuz that's how we roll around here. And no, I did not make these up:
-Leaky Nipple! (Ugh, I dread the day this happens to me. I'd prefer all fluids stay put until showtime.)
-Blood in my... (I think I'll just let you all wonder.)
-SCARED OF AN EPIDURAL (WHO ISN'T.)
-My hair is sooooo dry (My hair is soooo natural. I see now why I dyed it in the first place.)
-ouch! anyone else's crotch hurt? (Whoa, um...no...)
-Odd Painful Swelling (Love the capitalization, like a real disease!)
-OMG...this sucks!! (Oh don't I know it, sister.)
-I used to like sex now I don't HELP (I simply cannot relate. So sorry.)
-Why will you circumsize your son? (So his future lovers do not barf all over him.)
-What NOT to say to a pregnant woman... (Yes, I added a comment to this thread. It went something like, "If another person tells me how my life will change forever after the baby comes..." Every other comment on that thread had to do with people snarking about their weight gain. BOO HOO.)
-Caught him looking at porn...now what? (Um, take the stick outta yer ass, sit the fuck down, watch it with him. Gawd.)
I am particularly fond of any thread that begins "Sorry, TMI." That's the good stuff!
-Leaky Nipple! (Ugh, I dread the day this happens to me. I'd prefer all fluids stay put until showtime.)
-Blood in my... (I think I'll just let you all wonder.)
-SCARED OF AN EPIDURAL (WHO ISN'T.)
-My hair is sooooo dry (My hair is soooo natural. I see now why I dyed it in the first place.)
-ouch! anyone else's crotch hurt? (Whoa, um...no...)
-Odd Painful Swelling (Love the capitalization, like a real disease!)
-OMG...this sucks!! (Oh don't I know it, sister.)
-I used to like sex now I don't HELP (I simply cannot relate. So sorry.)
-Why will you circumsize your son? (So his future lovers do not barf all over him.)
-What NOT to say to a pregnant woman... (Yes, I added a comment to this thread. It went something like, "If another person tells me how my life will change forever after the baby comes..." Every other comment on that thread had to do with people snarking about their weight gain. BOO HOO.)
-Caught him looking at porn...now what? (Um, take the stick outta yer ass, sit the fuck down, watch it with him. Gawd.)
I am particularly fond of any thread that begins "Sorry, TMI." That's the good stuff!
6.21.2007
bwahaha
I'm back so soon! I have to tell you the funny thing that happened at the DMV. I decided to go to the one in City Hall (I always forget it's there until I'm there) which is exactly one door down from the office where I had to get my tax receipt. The DMV is tiny; at capacity it holds about twenty people, and that would be tightly packed.
Anyway, I go in and pull a number. I'm 90, and the ticker says 81. After five minutes nobody has moved. Suddenly an employee opens the door and says to everyone "We are doing training today. If you're here for sticker renewal, go ahead and get in line at the center window. Stick with the order of your numbers."
So I stood up and walked over to the center window. There were two people in front of me. We were in order. All was well. We wait.
In walks a woman, probably early 30s, and it's obvious she's been rushing around. She walks up and basically stands next to me. I figure she probably already has a number if she's being ballsy enough to put herself into a line she knows nothing about since she wasn't there when the sticker renewal announcement was made. I was right, I could see her number in her hand - 84 - and she kept looking at it as if to tell everyone "I am so in line, and probably before you." She gave off an air of exasperation and she sighed a lot.
Finally the first customer at the center window is finished, so the woman in front of me steps up.
"EXCUSE ME!" snaps 84, "I think I'm before you!" She flashes her number and the woman in front of me says "Ok, go ahead." See, none of us told 84 about the announcement she missed. I thought about it several times, and I almost said "are you here for sticker renewal?" to save her some embarassment, but after hearing her sigh mightily every twenty seconds and picking up her Bitch vibe, I thought I'd just play stupid like everyone else and see what happened. Mind you, there were about ten other people in the room waiting to do something other than renew their stickers, and none of them said anything either. It was like a social experiment.
(God, I know how to make a short story long.) (p.s. I am enjoying a Black Cherry Lemonade Slurpee and it is rocking my world.)
So 84 marches up to the window, puts down her armload of paperwork, and says "I need a duplicate title!"
And oh, did I smirk. I really wanted to laugh, and I'm not sure how I managed to not even smile. It was hard. The woman who had made the announcement says to her "THIS LINE IS FOR STICKER RENEWAL. DID YOU NOT HEAR ME."
84 mumbles under her breath and is told to go wait and they will take her when her number is up. Bwahaha.
In conclusion, when it was my turn at the window, 84 was called up to the window next to me and I felt a sick satisfaction when she stumbled through "I need a new title because...I'm...um...well, I'm using my maiden name again, so..." BITCH GOT DIVORCED. Shocking.
I'm sick, I know.
(p.p.s. Can you go get me another Slurpee? I'm fresh out.)
Anyway, I go in and pull a number. I'm 90, and the ticker says 81. After five minutes nobody has moved. Suddenly an employee opens the door and says to everyone "We are doing training today. If you're here for sticker renewal, go ahead and get in line at the center window. Stick with the order of your numbers."
So I stood up and walked over to the center window. There were two people in front of me. We were in order. All was well. We wait.
In walks a woman, probably early 30s, and it's obvious she's been rushing around. She walks up and basically stands next to me. I figure she probably already has a number if she's being ballsy enough to put herself into a line she knows nothing about since she wasn't there when the sticker renewal announcement was made. I was right, I could see her number in her hand - 84 - and she kept looking at it as if to tell everyone "I am so in line, and probably before you." She gave off an air of exasperation and she sighed a lot.
Finally the first customer at the center window is finished, so the woman in front of me steps up.
"EXCUSE ME!" snaps 84, "I think I'm before you!" She flashes her number and the woman in front of me says "Ok, go ahead." See, none of us told 84 about the announcement she missed. I thought about it several times, and I almost said "are you here for sticker renewal?" to save her some embarassment, but after hearing her sigh mightily every twenty seconds and picking up her Bitch vibe, I thought I'd just play stupid like everyone else and see what happened. Mind you, there were about ten other people in the room waiting to do something other than renew their stickers, and none of them said anything either. It was like a social experiment.
(God, I know how to make a short story long.) (p.s. I am enjoying a Black Cherry Lemonade Slurpee and it is rocking my world.)
So 84 marches up to the window, puts down her armload of paperwork, and says "I need a duplicate title!"
And oh, did I smirk. I really wanted to laugh, and I'm not sure how I managed to not even smile. It was hard. The woman who had made the announcement says to her "THIS LINE IS FOR STICKER RENEWAL. DID YOU NOT HEAR ME."
84 mumbles under her breath and is told to go wait and they will take her when her number is up. Bwahaha.
In conclusion, when it was my turn at the window, 84 was called up to the window next to me and I felt a sick satisfaction when she stumbled through "I need a new title because...I'm...um...well, I'm using my maiden name again, so..." BITCH GOT DIVORCED. Shocking.
I'm sick, I know.
(p.p.s. Can you go get me another Slurpee? I'm fresh out.)
a day off
Today I am taking a day off work to go have an ultrasound and renew my license plates. While I am totally thrilled that I get another peek at the little darling, the other half of my day is going to suck. Somehow I can never retain my personal property tax receipt. For the third time in as many years, I have to go to City Hall and pay a dollar for it. If I can fit it in, I would like to go start my baby registry and drag Noel with me.
Things I am enjoying:
Feist
Regina Spektor
not feeling the need to watch the Today show, I have a mix CD to make!
Things I am hating:
THIS GODDAMN TURD LICKING MOTHER MOLESTING CELL PHONE. I hate you with the power of a thousand angry pregnant women. How am I supposed to call Noel? How am I supposed to LIVE? Seriously, two hundy ain't sounded like too much to get a little piece of mind right about...NOW. I wonder if I could hide a new cellphone from Micah for just over a month. Nah, he's sharper than that. Damnit. Isn't it worth spending money to be happy? The answer is yes. Almost always.
Things I am enjoying:
Feist
Regina Spektor
not feeling the need to watch the Today show, I have a mix CD to make!
Things I am hating:
THIS GODDAMN TURD LICKING MOTHER MOLESTING CELL PHONE. I hate you with the power of a thousand angry pregnant women. How am I supposed to call Noel? How am I supposed to LIVE? Seriously, two hundy ain't sounded like too much to get a little piece of mind right about...NOW. I wonder if I could hide a new cellphone from Micah for just over a month. Nah, he's sharper than that. Damnit. Isn't it worth spending money to be happy? The answer is yes. Almost always.
6.15.2007
Things
- Have you ever heard people talk about pregnancy brain? You just, like, get stupid and stuff. I walked into work with my sunglasses on. Then I wore them down the hallway to my desk. Then I sat down, booted up, and still had my sunglasses on. Heh.
- Christ on a cruise ship, I am a bitch. It's pregnancy, I swear. I don't know what else could explain it.
- So suddenly my cellphone started turning off by itself. Sometimes it happens twice a day, sometimes twice a minute. It certainly happens when I'm in the middle of a call, and what's really fucking awesome is when I'm on the last word of a text message novella and it turns off. Wow. That is cool! It makes me want to eat my arm off. Nolie is having similar issues with her phone but not quite on the same level, and it happens to be the exact same phone as mine, purchased at the exact same time. Foolishly, I thought I had a great argument to march into the Cingul*r store with. THESE ARE CRAP. GIVE US NEW ONES. And lo, how the universe laughed at me. By universe I mean the totally unfriendly and condescending sales ass that "helped" us at the store. In between laughs. I know I marched in there with attitude, so that probably didn't help, but those assholes know they have the upper hand every time. Basically we are idiots for buying cheap phones. "That's what you get, little women with no brain," is pretty much what he said. It was all in the eyes. His face was greasy. He smirked. I can wait SIX WEEKS until I am eligible for an upgrade, which is just such an insulting phrase, like thank ye, gods of dropped calls, for the granting of my one and only wish - to be eligible for an upgrade! Shall I place this laurel wreath atop thine fo'head at once? To summarize my misery: I can buy a new phone, according to the fuckwad salesman, for "two-to-three hundred bucks. Maaaaybe I could swing one-seventy-five," or I can wait six god-forsaken weeks until this miraculous eligibility happens, at which point I can spend more money, but less money that if I spend right now. Do you mind if I remind you that MY CELLPHONE TURNS ITSELF OFF? ALL THE FUCKING TIME??? Well, there was no fucking way I was going to buy a phone from that fucking guy, and somehow I found a slice of politeness and managed to leave without spitting in his fucking face. To make matters worse, when I got home and told Micah the story, he thought I had already decided to buy a new phone instead of wait, because apparently I am nothing but a spender. Right. Why would I want to spend money on a new phone I shouldn't need yet? He really didn't see the big deal about waiting six weeks, and the reason this is all so frustrating is that trying to use this phone for another six weeks just might cause snakes to grow out of my head. So I challenged Micah - if it's not such a big deal to have a phone that randomly turns off (causing you to take out the battery and reinsert it EVERY TIME and then wait to see if it worked but usually it doesn't right away and god forbid I have AN ACTUAL EMERGENCY, you know, being PREGNANT and all) then maybe we should switch phones and HE can deal with it. Of course he said "Sure!" but you know he left this morning with his phone and I left with mine. I AM GRUMPLESTILTZKIN. Back away slowly.
-Can I tell you how sick I am of the word pregnant? And it won't stop for another four 1/2 months!
- My mom was offered two tickets to the opera Anna Karenina because her opera friends couldn't make it after all. Then my mom offered them to us, because they've already seen that particular opera. At first I was kind of skeptical but then my mom does her spectacular guilt thing (Catholic mothers being some of the most intense guilt-layers of all) and says "Oh, you should take them. You should try it. These tickets are about $100 each, so...it's a chance you won't get very often." She makes a good point. Another nice aspect is that the opera is in English and the words being sung are projected on the wall so you can read whatever you aren't able to catch. But still...they will be singing all operatic. This ain't a musical. Can we discuss how annoying it is that it doesn't start until 8? HELLLOOO. Pregnant chicks like me get drowzy at 7:30. I am regularly in bed by nine these days. But we could go and just leave at intermission. You know, so we're actually giving it a chance! Micah was on board until he wasn't anymore. I'm finding it easy to agree that just staying home would be better. So do we:
a) Stay home and lie to my parents, because they will definitely ask about it the next day because we have plans to visit them and go swimming, but Micah hates this option because he's just so fucking honest? Even though all he has to say is "It was great, thanks for the tickets," while I handle the bulk of the lies?
b) Sell the tickets because they were so expensive (a problem because the show is tonight)?
c) Give the tickets away so SOMEONE can enjoy the show? (finding someone even to take them free might be difficult. I don't exactly hang with opera chicks.)
d) Go to the opera dragging Micah kicking and screaming? How is that worth it?
e) Go by myself for 1/2 the show so I don't feel so guilty about wasting the tickets?
HELP!
That is all. As you were.
- Christ on a cruise ship, I am a bitch. It's pregnancy, I swear. I don't know what else could explain it.
- So suddenly my cellphone started turning off by itself. Sometimes it happens twice a day, sometimes twice a minute. It certainly happens when I'm in the middle of a call, and what's really fucking awesome is when I'm on the last word of a text message novella and it turns off. Wow. That is cool! It makes me want to eat my arm off. Nolie is having similar issues with her phone but not quite on the same level, and it happens to be the exact same phone as mine, purchased at the exact same time. Foolishly, I thought I had a great argument to march into the Cingul*r store with. THESE ARE CRAP. GIVE US NEW ONES. And lo, how the universe laughed at me. By universe I mean the totally unfriendly and condescending sales ass that "helped" us at the store. In between laughs. I know I marched in there with attitude, so that probably didn't help, but those assholes know they have the upper hand every time. Basically we are idiots for buying cheap phones. "That's what you get, little women with no brain," is pretty much what he said. It was all in the eyes. His face was greasy. He smirked. I can wait SIX WEEKS until I am eligible for an upgrade, which is just such an insulting phrase, like thank ye, gods of dropped calls, for the granting of my one and only wish - to be eligible for an upgrade! Shall I place this laurel wreath atop thine fo'head at once? To summarize my misery: I can buy a new phone, according to the fuckwad salesman, for "two-to-three hundred bucks. Maaaaybe I could swing one-seventy-five," or I can wait six god-forsaken weeks until this miraculous eligibility happens, at which point I can spend more money, but less money that if I spend right now. Do you mind if I remind you that MY CELLPHONE TURNS ITSELF OFF? ALL THE FUCKING TIME??? Well, there was no fucking way I was going to buy a phone from that fucking guy, and somehow I found a slice of politeness and managed to leave without spitting in his fucking face. To make matters worse, when I got home and told Micah the story, he thought I had already decided to buy a new phone instead of wait, because apparently I am nothing but a spender. Right. Why would I want to spend money on a new phone I shouldn't need yet? He really didn't see the big deal about waiting six weeks, and the reason this is all so frustrating is that trying to use this phone for another six weeks just might cause snakes to grow out of my head. So I challenged Micah - if it's not such a big deal to have a phone that randomly turns off (causing you to take out the battery and reinsert it EVERY TIME and then wait to see if it worked but usually it doesn't right away and god forbid I have AN ACTUAL EMERGENCY, you know, being PREGNANT and all) then maybe we should switch phones and HE can deal with it. Of course he said "Sure!" but you know he left this morning with his phone and I left with mine. I AM GRUMPLESTILTZKIN. Back away slowly.
-Can I tell you how sick I am of the word pregnant? And it won't stop for another four 1/2 months!
- My mom was offered two tickets to the opera Anna Karenina because her opera friends couldn't make it after all. Then my mom offered them to us, because they've already seen that particular opera. At first I was kind of skeptical but then my mom does her spectacular guilt thing (Catholic mothers being some of the most intense guilt-layers of all) and says "Oh, you should take them. You should try it. These tickets are about $100 each, so...it's a chance you won't get very often." She makes a good point. Another nice aspect is that the opera is in English and the words being sung are projected on the wall so you can read whatever you aren't able to catch. But still...they will be singing all operatic. This ain't a musical. Can we discuss how annoying it is that it doesn't start until 8? HELLLOOO. Pregnant chicks like me get drowzy at 7:30. I am regularly in bed by nine these days. But we could go and just leave at intermission. You know, so we're actually giving it a chance! Micah was on board until he wasn't anymore. I'm finding it easy to agree that just staying home would be better. So do we:
a) Stay home and lie to my parents, because they will definitely ask about it the next day because we have plans to visit them and go swimming, but Micah hates this option because he's just so fucking honest? Even though all he has to say is "It was great, thanks for the tickets," while I handle the bulk of the lies?
b) Sell the tickets because they were so expensive (a problem because the show is tonight)?
c) Give the tickets away so SOMEONE can enjoy the show? (finding someone even to take them free might be difficult. I don't exactly hang with opera chicks.)
d) Go to the opera dragging Micah kicking and screaming? How is that worth it?
e) Go by myself for 1/2 the show so I don't feel so guilty about wasting the tickets?
HELP!
That is all. As you were.
6.13.2007
or not
I haven't had much to say. It's kind of annoying. I'm trying to think of something to share...well, okay, the baby is getting really good at kicking me. She'll be still for hours but after I eat and before I got to bed she is kung-fuing it up in there.
In an attempt to make balance in the home, because Micah is sometimes none to pleased with "my" dog, I went out and replaced his busted PS2 yesterday. This was a suggestion from my mom, actually, who I generally hesitate to share marital problems with. This time, I'm glad I did. She asked me if there was something that Micah had been wanting that perhaps I didn't want, and therefore he would see it as a more balanced situation. Because in all honesty, Micah didn't want this dog. I did. And I went and got the dog without Micah's blessing. So now I'm in a pattern of trying to keep the peace, because damnit, I am not going to live the rest of my life without a dog.
So I came home with a shiny, silver, impossibly tiny version of the clunking PS2 he threw away several months ago. I did not miss the PS2 at all. While I must admit I played more video games with Micah than I have in my whole life, I definitely got sick of trying to get him to turn it off so I could watch some obnoxious reality show. Anyway, he was very happy about having his console back, and I even sat down and played with him for awhile. I must say, I'm excited to bust out the Tetris again.
What else...
We put down a deposit on a new apartment! New to us, anyway, it's not the most glamorous building or apartment, but this is a money-saving mission and nothing else. Not only is the gas paid for (which includes heat, hot water, and cooking gas!!!) when I seemed wishy-washy when discussing the apartment with the leasing guy, he took the rent down $25 a month. Not much, but every bit helps. Other than the fact that it looks like it's had twenty years worth of paint layers and the hardwood floor is pretty sad looking, it's actually kind of ideal. It's only $425 a month, on the first floor (with tons of baby gear in the future, this was a sticking point), a few blocks from both the dog park and Tower Grove park, it has a cute sunroom, and it's the only apartment out of five that I visited that wasn't shotgun style. It's really hard to find a one bedroom around here that isn't shotgun style. And who wants to walk through the bedroom to get to the kitchen and bath? Certainly not me, because our bedroom tends to be messy and guests need not be subjected to that.
Some people look at me strangely when I say we're moving to a one-bedroom. It just doesn't compute. Why would you downsize when you're expecting a child? MONEY. I'd like to live in a house within the next five years, and also I won't be working for awhile after the baby comes. And I'm sorry, but an infant doesn't need their own room. I've heard how convenient it is, when breastfeeding especially, to just have the baby in the bedroom with you at night in a bassinet or most likely in our case, a Pack n' Play. People might wonder if that would affect a couple's sex life, but honestly? P n' Ps have WHEELS. We can scoot her into the living room for a minute or ten.
Hmm....looks like I CAN think of something to write about if I simply announce that I can't but keep typing anyway.
In an attempt to make balance in the home, because Micah is sometimes none to pleased with "my" dog, I went out and replaced his busted PS2 yesterday. This was a suggestion from my mom, actually, who I generally hesitate to share marital problems with. This time, I'm glad I did. She asked me if there was something that Micah had been wanting that perhaps I didn't want, and therefore he would see it as a more balanced situation. Because in all honesty, Micah didn't want this dog. I did. And I went and got the dog without Micah's blessing. So now I'm in a pattern of trying to keep the peace, because damnit, I am not going to live the rest of my life without a dog.
So I came home with a shiny, silver, impossibly tiny version of the clunking PS2 he threw away several months ago. I did not miss the PS2 at all. While I must admit I played more video games with Micah than I have in my whole life, I definitely got sick of trying to get him to turn it off so I could watch some obnoxious reality show. Anyway, he was very happy about having his console back, and I even sat down and played with him for awhile. I must say, I'm excited to bust out the Tetris again.
What else...
We put down a deposit on a new apartment! New to us, anyway, it's not the most glamorous building or apartment, but this is a money-saving mission and nothing else. Not only is the gas paid for (which includes heat, hot water, and cooking gas!!!) when I seemed wishy-washy when discussing the apartment with the leasing guy, he took the rent down $25 a month. Not much, but every bit helps. Other than the fact that it looks like it's had twenty years worth of paint layers and the hardwood floor is pretty sad looking, it's actually kind of ideal. It's only $425 a month, on the first floor (with tons of baby gear in the future, this was a sticking point), a few blocks from both the dog park and Tower Grove park, it has a cute sunroom, and it's the only apartment out of five that I visited that wasn't shotgun style. It's really hard to find a one bedroom around here that isn't shotgun style. And who wants to walk through the bedroom to get to the kitchen and bath? Certainly not me, because our bedroom tends to be messy and guests need not be subjected to that.
Some people look at me strangely when I say we're moving to a one-bedroom. It just doesn't compute. Why would you downsize when you're expecting a child? MONEY. I'd like to live in a house within the next five years, and also I won't be working for awhile after the baby comes. And I'm sorry, but an infant doesn't need their own room. I've heard how convenient it is, when breastfeeding especially, to just have the baby in the bedroom with you at night in a bassinet or most likely in our case, a Pack n' Play. People might wonder if that would affect a couple's sex life, but honestly? P n' Ps have WHEELS. We can scoot her into the living room for a minute or ten.
Hmm....looks like I CAN think of something to write about if I simply announce that I can't but keep typing anyway.
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