Yay! I'm officially out of the first trimester! (Though I'm 14 weeks pregnant, technically the baby is 12 weeks along because they count you pregnant from the first day of your last period, not from when you ovulated and conceived two weeks later.)
There's got to be some sort of shift in this appetite bullshit soon. I've had a few barfing episodes in the past week, both of the projectile variety. Once was after a nice lunch out with my aunt, which really sucks. Even though she saw me practically run to the bathroom I had to lie to her and tell her "false alarm!" even though after we both drove away from the restaurant I noticed I had a chunk of barf on my sweater. I really hope she didn't notice. She's such a gentle bird of a thing that I don't want her to imagine me yakking up the delish salad she just bought for me.
Most women say that the nausea and stunted eating habits start to chill out when the second trimester starts. Other women say they stayed nauseous all nine months. Um. No.
Lately I've had a major problem with my appetite: I don't have one. The only time I feel like eating is during the morning hours, and when I'm at work I'm usually woefully under prepared for this hunger. I try to bring food from home but for some reason I never bring the right things (for instance pudding, yogurt, and cheese when for fuck's sake I need CRUNCH) or I simply don't bring enough. And part of that problem has to do with the fact that the grocery store is my nemesis and I find it really hard to think ahead when I'm shopping. I have always hated grocery shopping. Not sure why. So it's been extremely difficult for me lately because of the no-appetite/constant nausea thing. Micah and I generally trade off going, and thankfully it's all him this time. All I have to do is think of a few specific things I want and he'll handle the rest. Over the past year I got into a habit of making dinner every night, something I really enjoyed, but it's definitely fallen by the wayside because if I can't imagine eating it I sure as hell don't want to buy it or god forbid cook it.
I have been eating very, very little. I can still fit into all of my pants with room to spare, which is sort of scary when, you know, there's a fucking baby in there trying to grow. Or is it? It scares me. Tight pants would be nice right about now because then I'd know for sure that the bean is growing. Then again, I've been instructed by my doctor to try to limit my weight gain to twenty pounds for the whole pregnancy. I guess losing/maintaining right now will help me later on. But it's not like I have a choice. I really don't ever feel like eating. Truly a bizarre concept to me. (Though I will always maintain that the true culprit of my weight problem is severe laziness and not necessarily eating too much.)
Right now I really, REALLY want cucumbers drenched in red wine vinegar. Funny, I always want things that aren't convenient at all. Think my coworkers would notice if I slipped away to the store for a bit? They probably wouldn't. This place is like a morgue and my boss's door is usually shut.
I guess the giant dill pickle in the fridge will have to do, but it's just not...perfect. And my appetite is such lately that I really do need the "perfect" thing in order to want to eat at all.
Oh, October. You're such a long way off, you delightfully autumnal bitch.
4.04.2007
The finer thing in my life
I consider my husband to be a very good-looking man. I thought he was one of the hottest guys I'd ever met when we were first introduced five years ago. I keep saying five and it must be six by now. Anyway, just about everyone who meets him comments on his looks either right in front of his face or at a later time, in private. Especially my older female relatives, which is creepy. My cousins Linda and Lenetta weren't shy at all about telling me in excited, hushed voices, that WOW did I ever find a hunk. (Yeah, they totally still use words like that.) I try to ignore the only slightly masked looks of surprise when people put two and two together. For instance, at my niece's birthday party all of Lisa's friends asked "who is that guy with Gabby?" and Lisa would have to say "Um, GABBY'S BOYFRIEND." Fucking bitches.
Even my MOM, you guys! Micah was working near my mom's office and I asked him to stop by and pick up something from her. My mom told her receptionist he'd be by and that he looks like a Greek god. Yeah. And then she said after Micah left the building the receptionist said "I knew immediately it was him!" My mom told me this. THAT IS SO GROSS.
I worry about when Micah works. Okay, I don't really worry, per se, because Micah is hands-down the most loyal man I know, but I can't help thinking that he probably gets a lot of attention on the job. He work outside in very public areas, sometimes in hot-and-shirtless conditions, and it's not unusual for them to be working near a high school or in neighborhoods just crawling with bored housewives, OR SO I IMAGINE. Sadist, I know. I badgered him into admitting that the high schools are the worst. The girls drive by and yell things at him, the passive-aggressive skanks, and when I snarled "how do you know they're yelling at you?" he quietly said, "It's usually when I'm alone."
So I shine up his wedding ring for him every morning before work, and on a clear day it can be seen for miles.
That was a joke.
But the thing is? I get it. I understand why those bitches and skanks look. If there could only be one reason why I am not, in fact, a lesbian (and never was, though not for lack of half-assed trying), it's that I fucking adore dirty, hot, sweaty, stinky men. I look at construction crews the way construction crews look at women in stilettos and short skirts. I watch Mike Rowe of Dirty Jobs the same way lions view raw steak. Is that wrong? Couldn't care less. I get it, which is why I am wary of it.
I feel very lucky that a man as kind and hot loves me and thinks I'm hot, too. That is just so awesome. He makes me feel hot on a daily basis, which is a first, and also one of the many reasons Micah will be the last. And he's going to be the cutest dad ever. You just watch.
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I keep switching the blog template just to see how I like it. I'm going to keep switching until I find one that I won't get sick of for awhile. Keep mental tabs on the ones you like, as I would like this to be a pleasant experience for everyone.
-------
I must briefly mention the insane craving I am having lately. I cannot seem to get enough tangy, fruity candy. I say 'insane' because cavities, while covered, are not 100% covered, and it cost me close to 300 bucks to fix two cavities six months ago. I simply can't afford that right now. But it is really, REALLY hard to stop. It all started with a bag of Sweettart Sour Gummies that grabbed my eye in the Bl*ckbuster check-out line. Then the next day at the movies I had to have Sour Patch Kids. At the store the next day I bought regular ol' gummy bears from the huge snack buy-by-the-pound container things. And the NEXT day? Yesterday? I bought THREE BOXES of candy from Walgreens, which incidentally were the exact size of the candy at the movies, only three bucks cheaper. Because they were 3 for $3, I bought 3. Nerds, Sour Patch Kids, and Airheads. I took the Kids and the Airheads home so Micah would eat them, how terribly responsible of me, but I kept the Nerds at work. I have been sucking them and crunching them for hours,and you know Nerds...that box doesn't have a bottom. This isn't good. But oh. SO, SO GOOD.
Even my MOM, you guys! Micah was working near my mom's office and I asked him to stop by and pick up something from her. My mom told her receptionist he'd be by and that he looks like a Greek god. Yeah. And then she said after Micah left the building the receptionist said "I knew immediately it was him!" My mom told me this. THAT IS SO GROSS.
I worry about when Micah works. Okay, I don't really worry, per se, because Micah is hands-down the most loyal man I know, but I can't help thinking that he probably gets a lot of attention on the job. He work outside in very public areas, sometimes in hot-and-shirtless conditions, and it's not unusual for them to be working near a high school or in neighborhoods just crawling with bored housewives, OR SO I IMAGINE. Sadist, I know. I badgered him into admitting that the high schools are the worst. The girls drive by and yell things at him, the passive-aggressive skanks, and when I snarled "how do you know they're yelling at you?" he quietly said, "It's usually when I'm alone."
So I shine up his wedding ring for him every morning before work, and on a clear day it can be seen for miles.
That was a joke.
But the thing is? I get it. I understand why those bitches and skanks look. If there could only be one reason why I am not, in fact, a lesbian (and never was, though not for lack of half-assed trying), it's that I fucking adore dirty, hot, sweaty, stinky men. I look at construction crews the way construction crews look at women in stilettos and short skirts. I watch Mike Rowe of Dirty Jobs the same way lions view raw steak. Is that wrong? Couldn't care less. I get it, which is why I am wary of it.
I feel very lucky that a man as kind and hot loves me and thinks I'm hot, too. That is just so awesome. He makes me feel hot on a daily basis, which is a first, and also one of the many reasons Micah will be the last. And he's going to be the cutest dad ever. You just watch.
-------
I keep switching the blog template just to see how I like it. I'm going to keep switching until I find one that I won't get sick of for awhile. Keep mental tabs on the ones you like, as I would like this to be a pleasant experience for everyone.
-------
I must briefly mention the insane craving I am having lately. I cannot seem to get enough tangy, fruity candy. I say 'insane' because cavities, while covered, are not 100% covered, and it cost me close to 300 bucks to fix two cavities six months ago. I simply can't afford that right now. But it is really, REALLY hard to stop. It all started with a bag of Sweettart Sour Gummies that grabbed my eye in the Bl*ckbuster check-out line. Then the next day at the movies I had to have Sour Patch Kids. At the store the next day I bought regular ol' gummy bears from the huge snack buy-by-the-pound container things. And the NEXT day? Yesterday? I bought THREE BOXES of candy from Walgreens, which incidentally were the exact size of the candy at the movies, only three bucks cheaper. Because they were 3 for $3, I bought 3. Nerds, Sour Patch Kids, and Airheads. I took the Kids and the Airheads home so Micah would eat them, how terribly responsible of me, but I kept the Nerds at work. I have been sucking them and crunching them for hours,and you know Nerds...that box doesn't have a bottom. This isn't good. But oh. SO, SO GOOD.
3.30.2007
let there be baby
guess what I did this morning?
(you can click on it to see it larger.)
Yes! I have a kicking little dervish in there! I can't tell you how much more real it feels now. And can I just tell you? Don't yell at me, but I just had my very first pap and I just feel so gall-dang grown up. I love my new doctor. She sort of looks like Sandra Oh, but hotter. I didn't even care that there was a random student in there with us that actually wielded the speculum. I can't complain because everything was great. But how come no one told me paps aren't exactly comfortable?
I tell ya what was comfortable. Two hot young uniformed professionals feeling my tits up at the same time! Which never would've happened had that student not been having her lesson. Of course I was more worried that they were sloshing through under-tit sweat as it was a bazillion degrees in that office, so I can safely say it only turned dirty in my head for like 1/2 a second instead of the ten it deserved.
Then they stuck a condom-covered dildo up my hootch and did an ultrasound with it. It took two seconds for the doctor to find the bebe. She said, "whoa, that baby is kickin'!" which made my heart leap and I might have gasped. Its little legs were thrashing everywhere. It was totally fucking surreal. Still is. I mean, come on...look at that top picture...that is totally a baby! The head, the belly, the little legs. I watched as she measured different areas and zoomed in on an ovarian cyst, which she assured me was normal and probably temporary. It's been hell waiting for this appointment, especially because all of the other preggos in the Oct. 07 pregnancy forum have ultrasound pics to wave around. They had peace of mind and a picture to go with it almost a whole month before I did. But I got so much more out of seeing this human-like image than I would've been if I had had an 8 week ultrasound. I'd rather see this than a black blob with splotches. This? Recognizably the beginnings of my first child.
Dr. Sandra-but-Hotter printed out my pictures and I fairly skipped out of there. Oh, I have to go get my blood drawn now? No problem! I have a kickin' bean in mah belleh! Stick me all you want...Yolanda? Hi, Yolanda. I just saw my baby on the ultrasound for the first time! Dear Yolanda sweetly distracted me from the poking and sucking of blood (as if I needed distraction) with a story about how she was told she was having a girl she started putting all kinds of cute stuff on layaway and she was all excited because her little girl was fixin' to be lookin' good. And then she had a boy. Oh Yolanda. I've never been so happy to have blood drawn in my life. In fact, maybe I've never been so happy ever.
*Edited to add - I really hope this doesn't looked as jacked up on your screen as it does on mine. I can see like 1/3 of the picture. But clicking on it works. In fact if you didn't, I highly suggest it. :)
(you can click on it to see it larger.)Yes! I have a kicking little dervish in there! I can't tell you how much more real it feels now. And can I just tell you? Don't yell at me, but I just had my very first pap and I just feel so gall-dang grown up. I love my new doctor. She sort of looks like Sandra Oh, but hotter. I didn't even care that there was a random student in there with us that actually wielded the speculum. I can't complain because everything was great. But how come no one told me paps aren't exactly comfortable?
I tell ya what was comfortable. Two hot young uniformed professionals feeling my tits up at the same time! Which never would've happened had that student not been having her lesson. Of course I was more worried that they were sloshing through under-tit sweat as it was a bazillion degrees in that office, so I can safely say it only turned dirty in my head for like 1/2 a second instead of the ten it deserved.
Then they stuck a condom-covered dildo up my hootch and did an ultrasound with it. It took two seconds for the doctor to find the bebe. She said, "whoa, that baby is kickin'!" which made my heart leap and I might have gasped. Its little legs were thrashing everywhere. It was totally fucking surreal. Still is. I mean, come on...look at that top picture...that is totally a baby! The head, the belly, the little legs. I watched as she measured different areas and zoomed in on an ovarian cyst, which she assured me was normal and probably temporary. It's been hell waiting for this appointment, especially because all of the other preggos in the Oct. 07 pregnancy forum have ultrasound pics to wave around. They had peace of mind and a picture to go with it almost a whole month before I did. But I got so much more out of seeing this human-like image than I would've been if I had had an 8 week ultrasound. I'd rather see this than a black blob with splotches. This? Recognizably the beginnings of my first child.
Dr. Sandra-but-Hotter printed out my pictures and I fairly skipped out of there. Oh, I have to go get my blood drawn now? No problem! I have a kickin' bean in mah belleh! Stick me all you want...Yolanda? Hi, Yolanda. I just saw my baby on the ultrasound for the first time! Dear Yolanda sweetly distracted me from the poking and sucking of blood (as if I needed distraction) with a story about how she was told she was having a girl she started putting all kinds of cute stuff on layaway and she was all excited because her little girl was fixin' to be lookin' good. And then she had a boy. Oh Yolanda. I've never been so happy to have blood drawn in my life. In fact, maybe I've never been so happy ever.
*Edited to add - I really hope this doesn't looked as jacked up on your screen as it does on mine. I can see like 1/3 of the picture. But clicking on it works. In fact if you didn't, I highly suggest it. :)
3.27.2007
oh dear
Eventually I'm not going to fit into most of my clothes. Currently I can fit into everything, in fact everything feels loose.
Eventually I'm going to be big as a house (hopefully).
So I searched "plus-size maternity" online.
GOD HELP ME. Or perhaps, GOD HELP THE WOMEN WHO PURCHASE THIS NONSENSE.
Hey, you know what's really flattering? When you're modeling clothes and you shove your head back as far as it can go! It does wonders for the chin. Really fantastic. And the chick in the middle (above)? I'm pretty sure they found her wandering near a mental hospital.
I think my mom wore that ensemble in the middle everyday during the 80s. Shoes included.
The, um, frock on the right - doesn't it make her look like she has two pregnant bellies stacked under there? Because THAT IS THE GOAL. To look TWICE AS PREGNANT, VERTICALLY.
Then, just when I begin to hyperventilate, I find something wearable on the same website. As Oprah would say, "Hallelu-yer."
I HAD to decapitate the model who was ruining this otherwise harmless tracksuit. Seriously. Nobody brushed her hair but it sure looked like they gave her a hit of crack.
Don't you love my mad photo shopping skills?
Once I'd snickered and gasped my way through the rest of the "collection," I made my way back to the search results page and crossed my fingers. You know those links at the top of the search page that take you to sponsored websites? It's a good move. If they can pay to make you notice them, chances are people actually buy from them.
Things are starting to look brighter. Not, you know, amazing or anything. But normal? YESSS.
I can do tee-shirts!
And I don't have to suck it in when I'm big and pregnant because shiiiiit. I'm PREGNANT. If there is ever a time to not suck it in...can you even suck it in when you're that pregnant?
I didn't appreciate this website's use of of ONE model for every single item. I guess she was the cutest of the chunky pregnant chicks at the office. Or maybe she was the ONLY chunky pregnant chick?
I'm feeling more hopeful at this point. Especially when I peruse another sponsor website and happen upon...whoa. What's this? Why, these are things I'd wear when NOT pregnant! In fact...should I have been maternity shopping, like, forever?
Gobsmacked! The cuteness!
And most of it is actually CHEAPER than that sorry mess at the top of this post.
Everything is going to be okay.
Everything but the credit card.
Eventually I'm going to be big as a house (hopefully).
So I searched "plus-size maternity" online.
GOD HELP ME. Or perhaps, GOD HELP THE WOMEN WHO PURCHASE THIS NONSENSE.
Hey, you know what's really flattering? When you're modeling clothes and you shove your head back as far as it can go! It does wonders for the chin. Really fantastic. And the chick in the middle (above)? I'm pretty sure they found her wandering near a mental hospital.
I think my mom wore that ensemble in the middle everyday during the 80s. Shoes included.
The, um, frock on the right - doesn't it make her look like she has two pregnant bellies stacked under there? Because THAT IS THE GOAL. To look TWICE AS PREGNANT, VERTICALLY.
Then, just when I begin to hyperventilate, I find something wearable on the same website. As Oprah would say, "Hallelu-yer."
I HAD to decapitate the model who was ruining this otherwise harmless tracksuit. Seriously. Nobody brushed her hair but it sure looked like they gave her a hit of crack.Don't you love my mad photo shopping skills?
Once I'd snickered and gasped my way through the rest of the "collection," I made my way back to the search results page and crossed my fingers. You know those links at the top of the search page that take you to sponsored websites? It's a good move. If they can pay to make you notice them, chances are people actually buy from them.
Things are starting to look brighter. Not, you know, amazing or anything. But normal? YESSS.
I can do tee-shirts!
And I don't have to suck it in when I'm big and pregnant because shiiiiit. I'm PREGNANT. If there is ever a time to not suck it in...can you even suck it in when you're that pregnant?
I didn't appreciate this website's use of of ONE model for every single item. I guess she was the cutest of the chunky pregnant chicks at the office. Or maybe she was the ONLY chunky pregnant chick?
I'm feeling more hopeful at this point. Especially when I peruse another sponsor website and happen upon...whoa. What's this? Why, these are things I'd wear when NOT pregnant! In fact...should I have been maternity shopping, like, forever?
Gobsmacked! The cuteness!
And most of it is actually CHEAPER than that sorry mess at the top of this post.
Everything is going to be okay.
Everything but the credit card.
3.26.2007
only 25% about being pregnant
Some things:
- Do you know who Paula Deen is? She has a cooking show on the Food Network. She is exactly you'd want your grandma to be (though I bet she'd want to be called Nan) with her luxurious comfort foods and a demeanor sweet enough to charm even the coldest of hearts. I dare you to watch her and not find yourself smiling ear to ear. She is so extremely Southern. When she says "y'all" (which is a lot) it sounds like "yow-well," with five syllables somehow worked in there, and she is always giggling like she's surrouded by her best Ya-Ya-ish friends. I bet her farts smell like peaches 'n cream. (And if you find yourself home during the day, try to watch the Barefoot Contessa right after (or before...? shit) Paula's show. I LOVE the Barefoot Contessa. She and her husband TOTALLY still do it.)
- Ever watch Samantha Brown's shows on the Travel Channel? At first I was all "who is this corny chick?" but then? After watching a few episodes? She's so cute and fun! And she stays in the coolest hotels, sometimes off the beaten track but usually they are expensive, hip, or historically relevant. I admit she wears pants that make me stare at her crotch. Weird. I feel terribly sorry for her that she gets sent to many wonderful places without a damn companion. Seriously, she must really get tired of that. I think it would be pretty funny if she had someone travel with her that was always next to her but never spoke, like Teller. They could just sort of pretend to be oblivious. It could work! Don't you think?
- Okay, I got through two topics without mentioning pregnancy and it was hard. It's sort of a life-consumer. My current Issue with pregnancy is that I can already feel a sense of it's all about being pregnant. My brother's girlfriend asked me what I wanted for my birthday: "pregancy related baby stuff or Gabby stuff only?" I think we all know I said GABBY STUFF ONLY. Please. Let me maintain SOME sense of individuality while I can because in a handful of months I will barely have a name anymore. All the freckles will probably fall off my face, my tattoo will reshape itself into a pacifier and my boobs, well, they won't be mine or Micah's anymore. They'll be fucking TOOLS. In fact, that is what I will be come. A giant tool.
- Ever fall in love with a food? (What a dumb question.) I'm talking about a food relationship that honestly might just complete you. I know it's normal to go through stages with food. For about two years in high school all I drank at home was orange juice, which was a stage. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I have begun a relationship with a food that I will be eating forever. PECANS, if you can believe it. Now, I have always loved pecan pie, which always tastes best if you're in a place where they call them pee-cans instead of pee-cahns. Pee-can pie is the best. But I wasn't a fan of just plain ol' pecans until recently. Micah's brother owns a quirky Native American souvenir shop. For some reason, he sells ginormous bags of "blown nuts." Yes, that's what the big yellow sticker says. Technically they are cracked and blown, meaning the shells are cracked and then the nuts are put in front of a strong fan that blows most of the shell away, but not all of it. The result is a very satisfying snack that you sort of have to work for, but working for it is definitely half the fun. Of course, it's always exciting to find a totally shell-free one. So when Micah first bought a bag of these I thought good lord, that's a big fucking bag of nuts! because who really ever needs more than a can of nuts? I'll tell you who. Blown pecan eaters. I'd say over the past year we've shared about 8 bags of nuts (they're sort of expensive, and Bob doesn't always have them when we visit). Well. A week ago I decided NEED BLOWN PECANS NOW. ME AND BABY NEED SOME MOTHER EFFING PECANS. But Bob lives an hour away so I had to wait until the weekend. As in yesterday. I am knee-deep in pecans and loving every second. If you don't eat pecans, what the fuck is wrong witcha? They taste like salty, buttery maple syrup!
- Did I really just go on an on about some goddamn NUTS? Pregnant. Leave me alone.
- Which is another mystery of being pregnant. Do I desperately want to maintain who I am and not be defined by what's growing in my abdomen? Yes. Do I pink fluffy heart LOVE that it has also made me sort of powerful? HELL YES. I feel like I can get away with just about anything which is not good. Not good because I was sort of selfish to begin with and...well, fuck. In October it's never going to be about me again so...maybe I won't feel so bad about letting the bitch flag fly!
- I'm going to go Google pecans + pregnancy. I bet they're all sortsa hella good.
- Did I mention I'm taking a grammar and editing class this term?
- Pecans help fight high cholesterol! A handful of pecans a day can greatly reduce your risk of heart disease! Pecans are high in protein, potassium, zinc, vitamin E, magnesium, and folic acid!
- I think I am starting to feel better. Quick! Knock on some wood! Shit! Did I just jinx it? Shit!
- Do you know who Paula Deen is? She has a cooking show on the Food Network. She is exactly you'd want your grandma to be (though I bet she'd want to be called Nan) with her luxurious comfort foods and a demeanor sweet enough to charm even the coldest of hearts. I dare you to watch her and not find yourself smiling ear to ear. She is so extremely Southern. When she says "y'all" (which is a lot) it sounds like "yow-well," with five syllables somehow worked in there, and she is always giggling like she's surrouded by her best Ya-Ya-ish friends. I bet her farts smell like peaches 'n cream. (And if you find yourself home during the day, try to watch the Barefoot Contessa right after (or before...? shit) Paula's show. I LOVE the Barefoot Contessa. She and her husband TOTALLY still do it.)
- Ever watch Samantha Brown's shows on the Travel Channel? At first I was all "who is this corny chick?" but then? After watching a few episodes? She's so cute and fun! And she stays in the coolest hotels, sometimes off the beaten track but usually they are expensive, hip, or historically relevant. I admit she wears pants that make me stare at her crotch. Weird. I feel terribly sorry for her that she gets sent to many wonderful places without a damn companion. Seriously, she must really get tired of that. I think it would be pretty funny if she had someone travel with her that was always next to her but never spoke, like Teller. They could just sort of pretend to be oblivious. It could work! Don't you think?
- Okay, I got through two topics without mentioning pregnancy and it was hard. It's sort of a life-consumer. My current Issue with pregnancy is that I can already feel a sense of it's all about being pregnant. My brother's girlfriend asked me what I wanted for my birthday: "pregancy related baby stuff or Gabby stuff only?" I think we all know I said GABBY STUFF ONLY. Please. Let me maintain SOME sense of individuality while I can because in a handful of months I will barely have a name anymore. All the freckles will probably fall off my face, my tattoo will reshape itself into a pacifier and my boobs, well, they won't be mine or Micah's anymore. They'll be fucking TOOLS. In fact, that is what I will be come. A giant tool.
- Ever fall in love with a food? (What a dumb question.) I'm talking about a food relationship that honestly might just complete you. I know it's normal to go through stages with food. For about two years in high school all I drank at home was orange juice, which was a stage. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I have begun a relationship with a food that I will be eating forever. PECANS, if you can believe it. Now, I have always loved pecan pie, which always tastes best if you're in a place where they call them pee-cans instead of pee-cahns. Pee-can pie is the best. But I wasn't a fan of just plain ol' pecans until recently. Micah's brother owns a quirky Native American souvenir shop. For some reason, he sells ginormous bags of "blown nuts." Yes, that's what the big yellow sticker says. Technically they are cracked and blown, meaning the shells are cracked and then the nuts are put in front of a strong fan that blows most of the shell away, but not all of it. The result is a very satisfying snack that you sort of have to work for, but working for it is definitely half the fun. Of course, it's always exciting to find a totally shell-free one. So when Micah first bought a bag of these I thought good lord, that's a big fucking bag of nuts! because who really ever needs more than a can of nuts? I'll tell you who. Blown pecan eaters. I'd say over the past year we've shared about 8 bags of nuts (they're sort of expensive, and Bob doesn't always have them when we visit). Well. A week ago I decided NEED BLOWN PECANS NOW. ME AND BABY NEED SOME MOTHER EFFING PECANS. But Bob lives an hour away so I had to wait until the weekend. As in yesterday. I am knee-deep in pecans and loving every second. If you don't eat pecans, what the fuck is wrong witcha? They taste like salty, buttery maple syrup!
- Did I really just go on an on about some goddamn NUTS? Pregnant. Leave me alone.
- Which is another mystery of being pregnant. Do I desperately want to maintain who I am and not be defined by what's growing in my abdomen? Yes. Do I pink fluffy heart LOVE that it has also made me sort of powerful? HELL YES. I feel like I can get away with just about anything which is not good. Not good because I was sort of selfish to begin with and...well, fuck. In October it's never going to be about me again so...maybe I won't feel so bad about letting the bitch flag fly!
- I'm going to go Google pecans + pregnancy. I bet they're all sortsa hella good.
- Did I mention I'm taking a grammar and editing class this term?
- Pecans help fight high cholesterol! A handful of pecans a day can greatly reduce your risk of heart disease! Pecans are high in protein, potassium, zinc, vitamin E, magnesium, and folic acid!
- I think I am starting to feel better. Quick! Knock on some wood! Shit! Did I just jinx it? Shit!
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