meaning

I saw a bumper sticker the other day that was simple and perfect and it's been on my mind since. It said:

Life is short. Live wide.

It wasn't an advertisement. It didn't have any other images, just yellow words on a black background.

I've never heard this phrase before. Similar to Carpe Diem or Just Do It, it's obviously meant to motivate you. It's so beautiful and simple, but unlike those other phrases, not overused or related to the military. When I really started to ask myself what living wide might be all about, my brain created a picture and it all made so much sense. I imagined life as a road that stretches to the horizon. While you might have a limited amount of road between where you are now and the horizon, there is an infinite amount of space on either side of the road. Live wide. I believe this is what Oprah calls an A-ha! moment. It really is so simple and just one of the many ways to encourage yourself to live in the moment, expand your territory, stake your claim.

I am guilty of not living wide. I have so many passions that I don't indulge.

Last night M. and I started watching Joseph Campbell's The Power of Myth. It's a 6-part series in which Campbell is interviewed about various things, all having to do with myth, heroes, love, and basically showcases Campbell's extremely thorough knowledge of how myths have shaped humanity. We watched the first hour called "The Hero's Adventure." During this interview Campbell grew increasingly interesting and I was riveted until the very end, and I'm looking forward to the next 5 hours as well. The most influential part of this hour was Campbell's assertion that the only way to be completely happy is to follow your bliss.

I don't do that. I follow my bliss on a very materialistic level - if I want a new skirt, I buy one. If I want to take a day off work for mental health, I do. That's not living wide. That's living to satisfy the most superficial kind of happiness. Is sitting at this desk perusing the Internet all day in any way, shape, or form, my bliss? Yes. It's blissful because it pays better than it should, which is a paltry excuse because I am miserable. Is this blog just a cheap (literally) way to tell myself that yes, I am a still a writer? Am I only a writer if I have an audience?

My bliss is writing. My bliss is horses. My bliss is creating things with my hands. My bliss is psychoanalysis. What is my bliss worth to me? Is it worth quitting an unfulfilling job? Is it worth taking a huge risk? I read a lot of blogs whose authors have quit their jobs to become free-lancers. That scares the ever-loving shit out of me. I don't even know where to begin, and I have no reputation to back me up.

I come from a very successful family, especially on my mother's side. They have 6-figure incomes. (Thankfully, they're all Democrats!) So my whole life I've watched these people stack up their gains, add important letters behind their names, and exist quietly in their gigantic suburban homes. Their jobs mean everything to them, and it could be said that they are following their bliss because those jobs gave them so many things of value, so many very obvious things they can look at and say "I earned that." But are they living wide because they can afford luxurious vacations and all the best gifts for their children? Are these totally different concepts?

For as long as I can remember I've been convinced that writing a best-seller would be my bliss. Until it happens I'm left to simply assume. What holds me back? Why have I started fifteen books and lost interest after sixty pages? Something has to give.

I want to live wide. I'm not really sure how but I know for me personally it involves confronting fears. It involves giving up certain things so I can let other things in. It means discipline, sacrifice, and frightening changes. Right now, though, it's all Greek to me. I can say these things, I can recognize my desire to live wide and follow my bliss, but nobody ever got anywhere by passionately thinking about something, did they? At some point you must act.