so much nothing

blogs are good for boredom. from all perspectives. pardon.

- I stopped to get a soda at a gas station near my job today. The clerk was customer service crazy, I tell you. She rang up my 20oz Sprite Zero and noticed that the soda had expired. BY ONE DAY. She hustled to the back of the store and searched frantically for one that wasn't expired. BY ONE DAY. I eat cottage cheese that's expired by a week or more and it's never killed me (it's already coagulated...what's the problem?) so I really didn't think the DAY OLD Sprite was going to kill me. I just wanted the effing soda. She ended up charging me as if the soda were on sale, so I saved a whopping 11 cents. And thank god I received some compensation, because this soda is totally day-old rank.

- Ever heard that joke about updog? I was recently reminded of it while watching The Office season 2 on DVD. It goes like this:

Jokester: "Ugh, it smells like updog in here!"
Target: "What's updog?"
Jokester: "Not much, what's up with you?"

When done correctly, it's pretty funny. The jokester and the target have a giggle and the target goes searching for someone to try it on. Well, Micah was watching this episode with me. Michael, the boss on The Office, goes around trying this joke on everyone. As he kept fucking up, I kept cracking up. Micah did not. I thought does he not get it? should I explain it or will that make him feel stupid? Well, I couldn't stand that he didn't get it, and I remembered all the times I didn't get the joke and how much I wanted to get it as I consider myself somewhat smart, so I explained it to him, and he started laughing very slowly. Then the laughter found legs. Then for five solid minutes Micah laughed his ass off, and I can't not laugh when he laughs like that, so we both sat and hooted like idiots at the very marginal joke. It was awesome.

- After someone attempted to break into my car on Sunday night, I kind of got really mad. Like Nancy Kerrigan "Whyyyyyyy?" mad. I am so sick of people messing with my stuff. Here's the thing - my old car (the Jeep) was stolen twice, and that would make anyone quite touchy. I'm pretty sure whoever was trying to break into this car was A) trying to steal the car, as there was NOTHING desirable in sight, unless you count fast food napkins and The Devil Wears Prada (paperback), and B) got interrupted by a noisy dog or a neighbor or some other fortunate happening that left my wheels where they should be. FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS LATER, my lock will be fixed by Wednesday. I'm sick and tired of scumbags having their scumbag fun at other peoples' expense. Two weeks ago? Someone drove down our street and smashed seven driver's side windows in, one after the other. Our street is one-way and it looked like some scumbag was hanging out the window of his buddy's car, possibly with a baseball bat or rocks or who the hell knows. I thought Micah and I were so fortunate that we escaped that scumbag nonsensical destruction simply because it's a one-way street and we live and park on the "safe" side. Then I find my lock punched out, my door all scraped up. I am so sick of this shit. Call me whatever, but suddenly the county is looking better and better. Besides, I want a yard, because I want a dog. BAAAAAD.

- Did I really forget to put my wedding band back on AGAIN? I'm really paranoid that it's going to slip off in the shower and go down the drain, so I take it off and put it on the window ledge in the shower (yes, there's a window in the shower) and then I get out of the shower without the ring. The ring could be replaced fairly easily, but it can never really be replaced, and that scares me. I go through rings, watches, sunglasses, and bracelets very quickly. I always buy those things cheap and it doesn't take long for them to break or for me to lose them, which is why I buy cheap. I know I lose jewelry. So now I am responsible for this very meaningful and beautiful ring and in my effort to not lose it forever I forget to wear it at all. And then I punish myself by telling Micah and he says "what do you think that means?!" and I have to reassure him that I'm not wearing it because of initial paranoia that I'll LOSE IT FOREVER, and for fuck's sake we've been married for three weeks, this doesn't mean anything other than I can be forgetful! CALM DOWN!

- Cancers are emotionally high-maintenance. Also, they can be tightwads. I'm not complaining though. Really. At least this significant other of mine has tangible emotions, and honestly, I find the challenge of sorting them out exciting. And you can't be a tightwad unless you have money to hold tightly in a wad, you know what I'm saying? That's a nice change.

- Atkinson Atkinson Atkinson. Wedding Ring Wedding Ring Wedding Ring. STOP FORGETTING THESE THINGS, Self! This is not so difficult!

- And now, back to my InStyle magazine, the only fashion magazine that doesn't make me twitch.