Yesterday I enjoyed many hours of I Love Toys on VH1. Similar to I Love the 80s & 90s, but better because the best parts of those shows happened when those hysterical goofball comics discussed toys from the 80s and 90s. And lo, they got their own show.
Some notables that you probably haven't thought of in awhile:
Pong
Spirograph
Chutes & Ladders
Slip & Slide
Erector Set
Color Forms (those boring-ass static cling stickers with accompanying scenery)
The Top Ten Toys:
10) Wiffle Ball & Bat - did you know they used to come with instructions on how to throw certain pitches? Did/do people take Wiffle Ball-ing that seriously? They were talking about throwing wicked sliders and curve balls and I couldn't help but think people who desire such throwing should be using a real fucking ball.
9) Slinky - Oh yeah. Loved me some Slinky! My brother and I could walk that mofo down some stairs, dude. We also did this thing where we sang (not sure why, it wasn't a real song) "The elephant's trunk!" while dropping the end of the slinky down to the stairs from above. We were weird, I guess, because it's really not funny or entertaining, but we loved the elephant's trunk.
8) Yo-yo - I think anyone who didn't give up on this thing after three times of not getting the yo-yo to come back up the string went on to become a professional yo-yoer. That cute kid from Malcolm in the Middle's got mad yo-yo skillz, just in case you were wondering. Can I also just say that seeing child actors grow up disturbs me? Like, A LOT. I don't know why. It doesn't bother me when my little cousins grow up. Actually...I guess it does.
7) Star Wars figures - I've got nothing. Haven't even watched the movie all the way through.
6) Monopoly - I can't even tell you how much I hate Monopoly. Have you ever finished this game? Have you ever had fun playing after the first 15 minutes when the novelty of the money and the Community Chest cards wear off? And all those stupid little spawns like (Insert your city here) Monopoly or Gay Monopoly? Not helping. I guess General Popularity affects these ratings more than Fun to be Had.
5) Mr. Potatohead - Did you know that originally you just bought the facial features and used a real potato? I had no idea. That's kind of gross. But imagine the Fun to be Had when you could pretend those spuds budding from Mr. Potato's head were hairy warts!
4) G.I. Joe - I don't get how these were so entertaining, but that could be said for most of the 100 toys on VH1's countdown, or most toys in general. I know little boys love to destroy them. Or at least the boy that was my brother.
3) LEGO - Did you know there's a LEGO theme park? And that the origins of the word LEGO come from the Danish words "leg" meaning "play" and "godt" meaning "well"? Just another reason VH1 is making me smarter.
2) Barbie - you go girl. With your Pool Party and your pink convertible and your mansion with the elevator and your endless wardrobe and your many career choices. You should have been number one, because number one is...
1) Hula Hoop - which makes no sense. Seriously? Number one? Why? Because it's nice to see little girls gyrate their hips? I wholeheartedly disagree with this decision.
Clearly I really want VH1 to hire me to comment on...well, anything, really. I heart you, VH1, even if (like MTV) you only show about an hour of actual music videos per day, because quite honestly I'd rather hear music than see it. Then it can be about anything I want it to be.
Some notables that you probably haven't thought of in awhile:
Pong
Spirograph
Chutes & Ladders
Slip & Slide
Erector Set
Color Forms (those boring-ass static cling stickers with accompanying scenery)
The Top Ten Toys:
10) Wiffle Ball & Bat - did you know they used to come with instructions on how to throw certain pitches? Did/do people take Wiffle Ball-ing that seriously? They were talking about throwing wicked sliders and curve balls and I couldn't help but think people who desire such throwing should be using a real fucking ball.
9) Slinky - Oh yeah. Loved me some Slinky! My brother and I could walk that mofo down some stairs, dude. We also did this thing where we sang (not sure why, it wasn't a real song) "The elephant's trunk!" while dropping the end of the slinky down to the stairs from above. We were weird, I guess, because it's really not funny or entertaining, but we loved the elephant's trunk.
8) Yo-yo - I think anyone who didn't give up on this thing after three times of not getting the yo-yo to come back up the string went on to become a professional yo-yoer. That cute kid from Malcolm in the Middle's got mad yo-yo skillz, just in case you were wondering. Can I also just say that seeing child actors grow up disturbs me? Like, A LOT. I don't know why. It doesn't bother me when my little cousins grow up. Actually...I guess it does.
7) Star Wars figures - I've got nothing. Haven't even watched the movie all the way through.
6) Monopoly - I can't even tell you how much I hate Monopoly. Have you ever finished this game? Have you ever had fun playing after the first 15 minutes when the novelty of the money and the Community Chest cards wear off? And all those stupid little spawns like (Insert your city here) Monopoly or Gay Monopoly? Not helping. I guess General Popularity affects these ratings more than Fun to be Had.
5) Mr. Potatohead - Did you know that originally you just bought the facial features and used a real potato? I had no idea. That's kind of gross. But imagine the Fun to be Had when you could pretend those spuds budding from Mr. Potato's head were hairy warts!
4) G.I. Joe - I don't get how these were so entertaining, but that could be said for most of the 100 toys on VH1's countdown, or most toys in general. I know little boys love to destroy them. Or at least the boy that was my brother.
3) LEGO - Did you know there's a LEGO theme park? And that the origins of the word LEGO come from the Danish words "leg" meaning "play" and "godt" meaning "well"? Just another reason VH1 is making me smarter.
2) Barbie - you go girl. With your Pool Party and your pink convertible and your mansion with the elevator and your endless wardrobe and your many career choices. You should have been number one, because number one is...
1) Hula Hoop - which makes no sense. Seriously? Number one? Why? Because it's nice to see little girls gyrate their hips? I wholeheartedly disagree with this decision.
Clearly I really want VH1 to hire me to comment on...well, anything, really. I heart you, VH1, even if (like MTV) you only show about an hour of actual music videos per day, because quite honestly I'd rather hear music than see it. Then it can be about anything I want it to be.
2 comments:
hahaha ... yeah the hula hoop?? square that dude.
what about skip-it?
or that pogo stick thing ...
or slime!
or ... transformers ... well transformers didnt transform quite as quickly as you'd want them to. oh ... here's one ... do you remember play mobile??? micro machines.
n
I have one word for you....Voltron...that is all I have to say. Oh, and G.I. Joe was lame but I had these really cool G.I. Joe walkie talkie headsets. Very cool.
Alex
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