gag me with gauze

Hi.

I just got a tooth pulled! It's a tragic story, one that involves lots of money, little heath insurance, and a whole lot of gagging.

The short of it:
A year ago I found out I needed a root canal.
I had no dental insurance.
I got the root canal anyway to save my tooth.
I gradually paid off the $1200 it cost.
The dentist found out he was working on me without insurance and basically said "come back when you get some."
I've been going to this dentist since I was a baby. He was a close family friend before he became our dentist.
Mind you, he told me this even though he'd only put a temporary filling into the tooth.
Temporary = tightly packed substance that tastes and feels like masticated paper towels.
Filling disintegrated, tooth cracked, tooth worn down to scary nub.
If I smile wide enough you can see what's missing.
FABULOUS.
I get married and suddenly I've got health insurance.
I get teeth cleaned for first time in LONG time, two cavities are discovered (lil ones that can be sandblasted off! neat!) and I'm referred to a dental surgeon for a consultation about my mess of a tooth.
I get appt with dental surgeon, FUCK that's a frightening concept, but he turns out be a young, charming, hyper man who I immediately like even though I bet he's a TOTAL ASS outside of the office, like Dr. Reyes on Dr. 90210.
(Wait, wasn't this supposed to be the SHORT of it? Sshhhhh. Vicodin haze over here.)
He tells me all about implants and crowns and I'm totally sold. Another $1300? Oh, whatever. I fucking give up. I want my tooth back.
Except I don't want it $1300 worth right now. I have a wedding reception and a large credit card balance to be paying off.
But Mr. Nasty Tooth can come right out for $90! Done!
And I've spent the last two hours gagging. Something about the large hunk of gauze I'm obediantly biting down makes saliva pour into my mouth and my throat to close up and I almost hurled like ten times driving home and THANK GOD I had nothing in my stomach.
But now I do! Because they said I can eat soft things, I stopped and Steak 'n Shake and got myself a chocolate shake and some chili.
And while I was chugging the milkshake one of the ginormous Vicodins found its way into my mouth because I am just preparing. Foreshadowing. I see pain ahead. Also, a nap.

Oh, and maybe I don't want to stop the contest. Will you still play with me?
I SAID THERE WOULD BE A PRIZE.

Did I tell you I'm not supposed to smoke a cigarette for 24 hours? After a MAJOR DENTAL PROCEDURE. Something about it can unclot the clot that is clotting up the new hole in yer mouth.

Here's your contest question already because seriously it's getting hard to focus and I very much need to lie down. You know what? Nevermind. Can't do it. Definitely tomorrow.